38 Thoughts You Have While Shopping at HomeGoods

By Brinton Parker

There's no other way to put it: HomeGoods is a wonderland. It's filled from floor to ceiling with an ever-changing inventory of gorgeous decor, and with a bit of digging, you can walk away with gorgeous pieces that fetch much higher prices elsewhere. If you don't know about HomeGoods, then you're missing out . . . but if you do, then you've undoubtedly experienced this exact same emotional process while shopping in the store.

Thoughts Everyone Has While Shopping at HomeGoods

  1. *Doors open* This is about to be the best thing that's ever happened to me, or the worst that's ever happened to my bank account. Maybe both. Here goes nothing!
  2. Where do I even begin? Pillows? Kitchenware? There's too much good stuff here.
  3. Ooooooh, furniture! Yes, I do need a new love seat, thank you very much!
  4. *Phone rings with a significant other on the other end* . . . What they don't know won't hurt them. *Silences cell phone*
  5. Oh my god, forget love seats — look at that mirror!
  6. Wait, I want the love seat and the mirror. I wonder if I could fit all of it into the car.
  7. GET IT TOGETHER, WOMAN. We're here for thank-you notes and new hangers. That's it. Put. The. Mirror. Down.
  8. *Grabs mirror anyway*
  9. OK, let's go to the stationery section. Can't forget those thank-you notes.
  10. . . . But it won't hurt to also grab these baby shower invitations, too, in case I ever have kids. They're only $2!
  11. How am I supposed to choose only one type of cards when there are so many cute ones here? This is a disaster. I'm a mess.
  12. All right, I'm just gonna buy these three options. I'll always have something to say "thank you" for, right?
  13. Okey-dokey, let's head to the organization section and grab those hangers.
  14. Haaaaaaaaang on . . . Halloween decor?! How early is too early to start Halloween decorating? I need this glittery skeleton in my life.
  15. Plus, these string lights that look like little ghosts can be used all year . . . right? Totally, totally. Need 'em.
  16. Let's take a minute to recompose. You knew this would happen when we came here. Focus on the goal, girl! Hangers!
  17. But that dish set over there is pretty cute; I bet Mom would like that! I should get it for her Christmas gift! We're only six months away!
  18. Lord, help me.
  19. *Finally arrives at the closet organization section with a full cart* Time to get what I came here for.
  20. Felt hangers? Wood? Plastic? Multitiered? I'm going to pass out.
  21. Smelling salts are in aisle three; hopefully I make it in time. They're probably a great price.
  22. Back to business — hangers. I'm going to get one pack of every kind. That's totally reasonable.
  23. While I'm at it, I should probably get a new coat rack for the hallway.
  24. And some storage boxes for under the bed.
  25. Plus that little accent rug over there would be great in the dining room.
  26. GET ME OUTTA HERE!
  27. (But don't, really. This is my happy place.)
  28. OK, time to check out. I can't spend any more time in here!
  29. While I'm in line, it won't hurt to take a look around at all these fun goodies, right?
  30. Holy crap, chocolate-covered mangoes. *Grabs a pack*
  31. What?! Sriracha pretzels? Gotta have some of those!
  32. Oh man, candles to sniff — don't mind if I do.
  33. Darn, the light is flashing. It's time to check out. This is the moment of truth.
  34. *Looks at receipt* Wow, this place is awesome! I bought way too much stuff for way too low of a price.
  35. Is this what "HomeGoods Happy" feels like? I think it is.
  36. Time to go home and see how all of this looks in my house!
  37. Can't wait for my next HomeGoods trip. . . . I freaking love this place.
  38. Who am I kidding? I'll be back tomorrow.