10 Expert Dating Tips After Divorce

Jason McClain, urges you to reach out before dating and spend time with a good counselor or best friend to air out your feelings. Does either individual believe you are ready to date again? Ask for an honest answer.

From my perspective, there is nothing worse than sitting on a date with someone who is still angry, hurting, or messed-up over a former spouse. It's very off-putting and instantly feels like the person needs therapy, and not romance.

No one else can heal your sad heart — not even a sexy body or handsome face. Using someone to "forget an ex" is only going to get the other person hurt and you in trouble.

McClain reminds us to avoid the whole "Carpe Diem" (seize the day) when it comes to dating after a divorce. Rushing into something leads into disaster. Time heals you — so let it do its magic. There is no quick fix, sadly, to a broken heart.

A date is not the time to trash-talk your ex. People don't want to hear it. It's not that you can't share anything about your former relationship, but that starting a new potential relationship off with a bunch of negativity is a sure way to get yourself hurt — and dumped.

Clear your life of as much negativity as you can — negative thoughts, feelings, and habits. All they will breed is a new negative partner, which is not what you need.

My favorite tip of McClain's is that "Dating after a divorce is different than dating to find a spouse. Chances are you're in a different season of your life. See how dating fits into where you are at the moment — and if you really are in the market for a mate or simply want to enjoy the company of another."

Knowing what you want makes dating easier and more fun.

Don't just head straight for your type when you go to date again. Dabble a little. Try dating people you may have said no to before, and broaden your categories for a while until you have an idea of exactly what you want. Sometimes what think we want is not what we need.

If you are fortunate enough to find someone who fits well with you, make sure you treat him or her better than your past partners! McClain reminds us that it's "better to celebrate what we've found than to lament what we've lost."

If you find love again, grab it eagerly with both hands and cherish it with everything you have!

One day you may find yourself loving dating and the next, you may want to run and hide yourself away from the world. Dating can feel overwhelming for the first time, even if you are ready.

Be patient with yourself and if it stops being fun, take a pause and put dating on hold for a while. It won't be going anywhere.

Don't go out and pick the same partner as you did the last time. If you notice your dates or relationships are having the same issues as your past marriage, it may be time to talk to someone to see why you keep picking "repeat duds" or toxic situations.

Whatever stage you are in — mating or simply fun dating — just enjoy it! Don't worry too much about where it is going or if you are where you are supposed to be. If you are there already and having fun, chances are you're in the right spot!

If your potential date doesn't have divorce papers or a mediator or lawyer lined up, ask him to contact you later on. Someone in this "grey stage" is usually toxic and capable of hurting you. You don't need this. If the person has unfinished business, let him finish it before getting to know you. You'll save yourself the heartache later on.