10 Things Only Messy and Clumsy People Will Understand About Dating

Updated on March 3, 2020 at 12:40 PM

Dating is hard as it is, but if you're clumsy enough to trip over your own two feet every day or so messy that you don't own a single clean white shirt, suddenly meeting a match gets a lot more difficult. When I went on my first date at age 14, I couldn't bear to look my crush in the eye — not because of his eyelash-grazing bangs (it was 2012, OK?!) but because my mint chip cone was dripping halfway down my arm, my thighs, and all over the bench we were sitting on. That day, I vowed never to order ice cream on a first date again. While I've (mostly) kept that promise, I've also learned plenty of other dates that klutzes and messy people like me should avoid. If you just can't get it together, keep reading for 10 things you'll definitely relate to.

No Way Should You Get an Ice Cream Cone

The sweetest Summer date gets a lot less cute when you have ice cream dribbling down your chin.

Too Much Red Wine Can Get Messy in More Ways Than One

If you must indulge, stick to a safer option like Pinot Grigio, otherwise your outfit might resemble a crime scene.

Wearing White Is Impossible

You can forget about having your Marilyn Monroe moment, because if you do, you'll be covered in stains in no time.

The Bowling Alley Is a Major Hazard Zone

When you said you weren't coordinated, you really meant it.

Is This a Cooking Class or an Arson Attempt?

Taking a cooking class together sounds super romantic, until you spill oil on a flame or almost drop a pot of boiling water on your partner's feet. Oops!

You'll Never Have That Lady and the Tramp Kiss

Spaghetti should be consumed in your home with the curtains drawn and a bib around your neck.

Stay Close to the Railing

If your date holds your hand at the ice skating rink, they should know they'll be going down with you.

Dancing Is Fun . . . Until You Step on Your Partner's Toes

It's hard to keep up an air of sophistication and mystery when you keep stumbling over the same two steps.

Nature Isn't Your Friend

Hiking is the perfect date for clumsy people — if your idea of perfect involves sweating profusely and tripping over a rock every 10 minutes.

You're Worse on Wheels

If your date takes you rollerblading, just know they're probably trying to kill you.