Woody Allen on Love, Sex, and Everything in Between
Last night at the Golden Globe Awards, Woody Allen was honored with the Cecil B. DeMille Award. In honor of the famous director, writer, and actor's lifetime achievement award, we're looking back at his many flicks about love — both lost and found. Woody's personal life has garnered negative headlines, specifically his behavior toward his former stepchildren with Mia Farrow. But on screen, the prolific director is known for tackling the relationship complications from illicit sex to innocent romance to infidelity. We've rounded up some of Woody's funniest and most thought-provoking lines on sex, love, and everything in between from the movies he's written, directed, and, at times, starred in.
Harry Block: "You know, I cannot understand why the most sophisticated of women can't tell the difference between a meaningless, hot, passionate sexual affair and a nice, solid, tranquil, routine marriage."
Joan: "Tell me, Harry, just tell me something. Was she the only one, or were there others?"
Harry Block: "No, Amy Pollock was the only one, may God strike me dead if I am lying."
Joan: "You're an atheist, Harry!"
Isaac Davis: "I think people should mate for life, like pigeons or Catholics."
Alvy Singer: "A relationship, I think, is like a shark. You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark."
Take the Money and Run
Virgil: "After 15 minutes I wanted to marry her, and after half an hour I completely gave up the idea of stealing her purse."
Midnight in Paris
Ernest Hemingway: "I believe that love that is true and real creates a respite from death. All cowardice comes from not loving, or not loving well, which is the same thing. And when the man who is brave and true looks death squarely in the face like some rhino hunters I know, or Belmonte, who's truly brave. It is because they love with sufficient passion to push death out of their minds, until the return that it does to all men. And then you must make really good love again. Think about it."
Mike: "I love you, Joey."
Joey: "Why do you stick with me? I give you nothing but grief!"
Husbands and Wives
Judy: "You use sex to express every emotion except love."
Linda Ash: "You didn't want a blowjob so the least I could do is get you a tie."
Bullets Over Broadway
Helen Sinclair: "Make love to me."
David Shayne: "Here? Now?"
Helen Sinclair: "I see no reason to wait."
David Shayne: "Jerome Kern is on the other side of the door."
Helen Sinclair: "Yes, he's a wonderful composer. You'll have to meet him. Now hang up your pants."
Crimes and Misdemeanors
Halley Reed: "He wants to produce something of mine."
Clifford Stern: "Yeah. Your first child."
Vicky Cristina Barcelona
Juan Antonio: "Maria Elena used to say that only unfulfilled love can be romantic."
Nancy: "You're immature, Fielding."
Fielding Mellish: "How am I immature?"
Nancy: "Well, emotionally, sexually, and intellectually."
Fielding Mellish: "Yeah, but what other ways?"
Love and Death
Sonja: "To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be unhappy, one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you're getting this down."
Everyone Says I Love You
Joe: "In a relationship, it is better to be the leaver than the leavee."
Nola Rice: "Men always seem to wonder. They think I'd be something very special."
Christopher Wilton: "And are you?"
Nola Rice: "Well, no one's ever asked for their money back."
Hannah and Her Sisters
Elliot: "God, she's beautiful. She's got the prettiest eyes. She looks so sexy in that sweater. I just want to be alone with her and hold her and kiss her and tell her how much I love her and take care of her. Stop it you idiot, she's your wife's sister. But I can't help it. I'm consumed by her. It's been months now. I dream about her, I, I, I think about her at the office. Oh Lee, what am I gonna do? I hear myself moaning over you and it's disgusting. Before, when she squeezed past me at the doorway and I smelt that perfume on the back of her neck — Jesus, I, I thought I was gonna swoon. Easy! You're a dignified financial advisor. It doesn't look good for you to swoon."
Luna Schlosser: "So then, what do you believe in?"
Miles Monroe: "Sex and death — two things that come once in a lifetime — but at least after death, you're not nauseous."
A Midsummer Night's Sex Comedy
Ariel: "How's your marriage?"
Andrew: "My marriage is fine."
Ariel: "Ya? . . ."
Andrew: "It's not working but it's fine."
Sondra Pransky: "I wouldn't be surprised if he asked me to marry him someday."
Sid Waterman: "You come from an orthodox family, would they accept a serial killer?"
Nicole Oliver: "I can't have sex with you! My body belongs to my husband and there is no way that I could betray him in that way. But what I do from the neck up is a different story."
Hobie: "I think it'd be only fair to tell you. I'm a Liberal."
Stacey: "Oh. Are you talking politically, or in the bedroom?"
Hobie: "I was talking politically. In the bedroom I'm a left-wing Liberal."
What's Up, Tiger Lily?
Phil Moscowitz: "I thought you said you loved me!"
Wing Fat: "I love you in my own way."
You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger
Helena Shebritch: "My husband walked out on me for one simple reason. I was too honest with him. I refused to allow him to delude himself."
To Rome With Love
Monica: "You will never understand women."
Jasmine: "You choose losers because that's what you think you deserve, and that's why you'll never have a better life."