5 Things to Say (or Do) When People Ask If You're Having Another Baby
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There is nothing more irritating than being asked ad nauseam by family or friends if you're going to have another baby. It's even more intrusive when asked by a stranger, but still, when people push and prod about your body having another baby whether you know the person or not when you a) don't want to have another one; b) can't have another one; c) can't afford to have another one but you would like to; or d) just lost a pregnancy, it can be so upsetting. Most people don't mean any harm in asking about your reproductive plans, although some family members can be notably pushy on the topic. Before you pull your hair out of your head strand by strand, try these not-so-subtle phrases or tactics to squash the baby questions.
Can't Afford a Baby, but Can't Stand the Questions?
If you would like another baby but know full well that you cannot afford another without going under, this tactic should quiet the questions.
Simply start a fake GoFundMe page and tell your eager family members you are raising money for this "next child's" day care and college funds, and set the goal mark high. Every time someone opens his or her mouth, remind this person of your financial situation and direct them to the GoFundMe page. Eventually, people will be quiet and you can take it down. If anyone raises any money for your "cause," donate it to a worthy cause you're passionate about and tell the donators later what you did.
If you're not ballsy enough to start a fake GoFundMe, simply say, "I will have another baby when you will pay for this child's expenses, day care, and college."
If someone offers to do so, hey, maybe you should take that offer and run!
Health Issues Mean No More Babies
Do you have health issues that prevent you from conceiving and/or delivering a healthy baby without harm to yourself? You can tackle those annoying "new baby" questions like this:
- Would having a baby risk your life? Ask the person if he or she will bury you so your child/children can't see. It's a harsh comment but might shut that person up.
- Can't conceive? Ask this nosy person if she will carry a baby for you or, if it's a man, if he would offer up his wife or girlfriend to carry your child.
- Presenting: Want to be a smartass? Do a Powerpoint presentation on your condition and between slides have a slide that states "I cannot have another baby fool" and the interrogation will end.
- The nice way: Tell someone simply why you aren't having more kids and ask him or her to stop asking already.
Lost a Baby and Can't Stand the Questions
When you've lost a baby, whether through miscarriage or stillbirth, those pesky "new baby" questions are insensitive and rude. Simply state, "I've recently lost a baby and would ask you to not (keep) asking me such private questions. Thank you."
If the person continues to bother you, he or she is socially inept. Walk away.
Don't Want Another and Might Hit the Next Person Who Asks
Just one baby? Ever hear that comment and want to freak out? Or do you have more than one but are totally done, yet other people are eagerly awaiting your next child? Silence the peanut gallery by:
- Telling the person if he or she keeps asking that you will leave your children at his or her house for eternity as punishment.
- Explaining you are done with kids and focusing on the ones you have.
- Telling them you had another child but got hungry, and so you ate him/her and it was the worst case of indigestion you've ever had. You can't possibly do it again!
- Asking if the person understands how much energy and time are invested into a child and share that your time is limited and you don't want to end up ignoring the new child.
- Telling the person you will have another baby as long as he or she raises the kid for you.
Last Tips
Most people mean well and may not understand your own unique financial/health/emotional situations, so be clear and state that the questions about more children upset and infuriate you. Be firm that the topic is to be avoided, and if you do have a health condition, perhaps this is the time to educate your family or friends on the matter.
If strangers' questions of "Are you having more kids?" annoy you, tell them you are focusing on the ones you have and walk away. The woman at Target doesn't need to know the full story.
No matter what, never feel bad about your situation, and if not having another child is your own personal choice and not one of circumstance, own it! No one gets to tell you what you do with your body.