A miscarriage is a very common but very sad event in a mom or mom-to-be's life that can be difficult to grieve. At some point, though, most women who miscarry will consider trying again, but how do you know when you're ready to go another round and perhaps risk the chance of experiencing miscarriage again?
The Negative Outlook Is Gone
When I miscarried before my daughter, I thought it would happen again and again. I thought the worst. I feared I would be childless for life, and while I had no major health issues involved in my miscarriage (simply a bad luck of the draw I suppose), you may have some fertility or genetic issues to overcome. If you don't have these issues, remind yourself that miscarriages happen and that you are a healthy woman with the great chance of conceiving again and conceiving successfully. It's that positive attitude that helps you move forward and conceive after miscarriage. A positive attitude is a less stressed attitude, and we all know that stress impacts our health, especially conception.
But what if you have a health issue?
Before you think the worst, get informed by your doctors of your chances so you have a realistic idea of what you're headed into. Even still, remember that so many things are out of a doctor's control and that I have had numerous friends conceive after being told they would never have children. There are some things science seems to miss when it comes to reproduction, but even if there are obstacles in your way to having a child, having a positive but realistic attitude will help you push through. Dwelling on the negative won't help you, although I know how easy it is to do!
Did you have a D&C or did you miscarry on your own? Doctors typically recommend waiting three cycles after the D&C, but with a "natural" miscarriage so to speak, women tend to try after they have their first cycle or whenever they feel mentally ready. Ask your doctor if he or she feels that your body is ready for another go-around.
Things to keep in mind:
- Your nutrition: are you eating healthy?
- Your weight: is your weight a healthy weight? Being over- or underweight can impact conception.
- Overall health: is your overall health good, or are you battling a chronic illness or other health issue? Getting those in control first will help your body get ready for a baby!
Have You Grieved?
Have you gone through the grief cycle with your miscarriage? If you haven't, you should grieve and hold off on trying, since if you do miscarry again (which you most likely won't — positive outlook, ladies!), the emotional grief will be very devastating. Face your feelings and fears: miscarriage is devastating, but it is common and you are not alone!
Is Your Partner Ready?
Is your partner ready for round two? Don't forget your partner's feelings in all of this.
Any Next Steps?
Did your doctor ask you to do any routine blood work or get any tests done before trying again? If you answered yes, did you complete the tests? Listen to your doctor or midwife. Take care of any issues ahead of time before attempting for a baby again.
Sex Is Not a Chore
As any woman who has suffered from miscarriages or infertility issues can attest, sex becomes a chore.
No, no, no!
Of course, a fertility doctor may have you on a particular "routine," but if there's nothing set in place by a medical professional, do yourself a favor and have fun when you're having sex! I know trying to conceive can suck the sexy out of even the hottest man alive for a woman, but try these tips to keep it fun:
- Have sex every other day, or pick days out of a hat and be sure to have sex on those days whether you're ovulating or not!
- Lingerie. Give him eye candy — it's not easy being the "stud" half of the sexual equation when trying to conceive!
- Quickies, public sex, or shower sex: yes, yes, and yes!
- Babymoon: if you can afford it, do it.
- Camp out: It's Fall. Why not try a little camping and have some fun in the sleeping bag together?
- Sexy texts or notes: Leaving suggestive notes or texts could be a fun way to get your man to really "let er' blow." Yes, I just went there. Hey, you want a baby, right? Wink.
If Sex Is a Chore Still . . .
If you're still in "sex-chore" mode, then at least up your chances by using a fertility app or tracker like Fertility Friend, buying ovulation kits, tracking your cycle, or having sex every other day.
Realize that for your man, this can make him feel like the aforementioned "stud," which isn't always fun and the reason I say make it hot sometimes if you can. Sex is the adult playground, so why not let loose if you're in it to win it? Having fun reduces stress, and less stress = better chances of getting pregnant.
Mental State Management
Are you taking care of your mental health after miscarriage through proper rest, relaxation time, seeing friends, getting quality couple time in, and managing your moods? You want to be in a good place before you try to get pregnant again; that way, no matter what happens, you're on solid ground. If you find yourself stressed or anxious after a miscarriage and the idea of trying scares you, perhaps therapy, acupuncture, or running will help get you back into a good frame of mind. For me, acupuncture did wonders!
Once you're ready to try again, think positive, mamas! There are so many of us who have gone through miscarriage and many of us have gone on to tell the happier side of the story: we became moms. Your baby will come!