Dear Target, Let Me Explain Why I Love You
I just want to say, thank you. You are the light of my life. When I'm bored, you're there. When I want to senselessly spend money, you don't hold me back. I know you have a lot of other lovers, but you give me exactly what I need when I come to visit.
If it weren't for your dollar spot and cute seasonal decor, my home would be sparse. Your crazy-good deals get me every time. I might swing by for some toothpaste, but I end up leaving with a cart full of a bottle of Rosé, a Nate Berkus pillow, pajamas, and a bold red lipstick. How do you know exactly what I need?
Every time I walk through the door, you welcome me with a Starbucks. Now that's hospitality. And don't even get me started on your shoes — if you weren't looking, I'd take them all and run away. I'll never let go of the Fall boots I got from you for $20 three years ago.
When you decide to collaborate with a designer, I'm the first in line to come see all the new stuff. I may have gotten into a few fights over snagging the last limited-edition dress, but it's worth it. You are worth it.
Don't even get me started on your Halloween and Christmas decorations. They are so fierce I can't even deal. You inspire me to turn my home into a festive wonderland every season. No regrets.
I could ramble on forever, but I won't. Just promise that you won't ever change. If anything, I'd love it if you would expand. The bigger the better. See you tonight. And probably tomorrow as well.
A loyal customer and longtime lover