Taylor Swift Shares All the Lessons She Has Learned Before Turning 30, and I'm Taking Notes

Updated on March 8, 2019 at 10:30 AM

Taylor Swift is already wise beyond her years. The singer turns 30 at the end of this year, and to celebrate the momentous birthday, she's sharing all the lessons she's learned in the cover story for Elle's April issue. After wowing us with her colorful Elle UK cover, Taylor goes full '80s (perhaps an ode to her birth year, 1989?) with fringe bangs, flowy tops, and bright pink lipstick in the US issue. In addition to sharing her favorite recipes and talking about her love of Command tape, she also talks seriously about her biggest fear, educating herself about politics, eliminating drama from her life, and finding true love and friendships. Grab a pen and an old napkin to write down notes as you read some of her most profound words of wisdom ahead.

On learning to block out the noise. "Social media can be great, but it can also inundate your brain with images of what you aren't, how you're failing, or who is in a cooler locale than you at any given moment. One thing I do to lessen this weird insecurity laser beam is to turn off comments. Yes, I keep comments off on my posts. That way, I'm showing my friends and fans updates on my life, but I'm training my brain to not need the validation of someone telling me I look 🔥🔥🔥. I'm also blocking out anyone who might feel the need to tell me to 'go die in a hole ho' while I'm having my coffee at nine in the morning. I think it's healthy for your self-esteem to need less internet praise to appease it, especially when three comments down you could unwittingly see someone telling you that you look like a weasel that got hit by a truck and stitched back together by a drunk taxidermist. An actual comment I received once."
On not letting someone take advantage of your kindness. "While it may be born from having been raised to be a polite young lady, this can contribute to some of your life's worst regrets if someone takes advantage of this trait in you. Grow a backbone, trust your gut, and know when to strike back. Be like a snake — only bite if someone steps on you."
On being OK with failure. "It may not feel normal to me because all of my trials and failures are blown out of proportion and turned into a spectator sport by tabloid takedown culture (you had to give me one moment of bitterness, come on). BUT THAT SAID, it's good to mess up and learn from it and take risks. It's especially good to do this in your twenties because we are searching. That's GOOD. We'll always be searching but never as intensely as when our brains are still developing at such a rapid pace. No, this is not an excuse to text your ex right now. That's not what I said. Or do it, whatever, maybe you'll learn from it. Then you'll probably forget what you learned and do it again . . . But it's fine; do you, you're searching."
On rising above bullying. "In my experience, I've come to see that bullies want to be feared and taken seriously. A few years ago, someone started an online hate campaign by calling me a snake on the internet. The fact that so many people jumped on board with it led me to feeling lower than I've ever felt in my life, but I can't tell you how hard I had to keep from laughing every time my 63-foot inflatable cobra named Karyn appeared onstage in front of 60,000 screaming fans. It's the Stadium Tour equivalent of responding to a troll's hateful Instagram comment with 'lol.' It would be nice if we could get an apology from people who bully us, but maybe all I'll ever get is the satisfaction of knowing I could survive it, and thrive in spite of it."

On getting rid of the drama in her life. "You only have so much room in your life and so much energy to give to those in it. Be discerning. If someone in your life is hurting you, draining you, or causing you pain in a way that feels unresolvable, blocking their number isn't cruel. It's just a simple setting on your phone that will eliminate drama if you so choose to use it."
On her biggest fear. "After the Manchester Arena bombing and the Vegas concert shooting, I was completely terrified to go on tour this time because I didn't know how we were going to keep 3 million fans safe over seven months. There was a tremendous amount of planning, expense, and effort put into keeping my fans safe. My fear of violence has continued into my personal life. I carry QuikClot army grade bandage dressing, which is for gunshot or stab wounds. Websites and tabloids have taken it upon themselves to post every home address I've ever had online. You get enough stalkers trying to break into your house and you kind of start prepping for bad things. Every day I try to remind myself of the good in the world, the love I've witnessed and the faith I have in humanity. We have to live bravely in order to truly feel alive, and that means not being ruled by our greatest fears."
On making her own decisions. "For too long, the projected opinions of strangers affected how I viewed my relationships. Whether it was the general internet consensus of who would be right for me, or what they thought was 'couples goals' based on a picture I posted on Instagram. That stuff isn't real. For an approval seeker like me, it was an important lesson for me to learn to have my OWN value system of what I actually want."
On finding her political voice. "I took a lot of time educating myself on the political system and the branches of government that are signing off on bills that affect our day-to-day life. I saw so many issues that put our most vulnerable citizens at risk, and felt like I had to speak up to try and help make a change. Only as someone approaching 30 did I feel informed enough to speak about it to my 114 million followers. Invoking racism and provoking fear through thinly veiled messaging is not what I want from our leaders, and I realized that it actually is my responsibility to use my influence against that disgusting rhetoric. I'm going to do more to help. We have a big race coming up next year."

On learning to say "I'm sorry." "Even if it was unintentional, it's so easy to just apologize and move on. Try not to say 'I'm sorry, but . . .' and make excuses for yourself. Learn how to make a sincere apology, and you can avoid breaking down the trust in your friendships and relationships."
On believing the victim in sexual assault cases. "Coming forward is an agonizing thing to go through. I know because my sexual assault trial was a demoralizing, awful experience. I believe victims because I know firsthand about the shame and stigma that comes with raising your hand and saying 'This happened to me.' It's something no one would choose for themselves. We speak up because we have to, and out of fear that it could happen to someone else if we don't."
On getting to know someone before jumping into a relationship. "All that glitters isn't gold, and first impressions actually aren't everything. It's impressive when someone can charm people instantly and own the room, but what I know now to be more valuable about a person is not their charming routine upon meeting them (I call it a 'solid first 15'), but the layers of a person you discover in time. Are they honest, self-aware, and slyly funny at the moments you least expect it? Do they show up for you when you need them? Do they still love you after they've seen you broken? Or after they've walked in on you having a full conversation with your cats as if they're people? These are things a first impression could never convey."

On overcoming childhood insecurities. "For example, never being popular as a kid was always an insecurity for me. Even as an adult, I still have recurring flashbacks of sitting at lunch tables alone or hiding in a bathroom stall, or trying to make a new friend and being laughed at. In my twenties I found myself surrounded by girls who wanted to be my friend. So I shouted it from the rooftops, posted pictures, and celebrated my newfound acceptance into a sisterhood, without realizing that other people might still feel the way I did when I felt so alone. It's important to address our long-standing issues before we turn into the living embodiment of them."
On learning the difference between "lifelong friendships" and "situationships." "Something about 'we're in our young twenties!' hurls people together into groups that can feel like your chosen family. And maybe they will be for the rest of your life. Or maybe they'll just be your comrades for an important phase, but not forever. It's sad but sometimes when you grow, you outgrow relationships. You may leave behind friendships along the way, but you'll always keep the memories.
On finding friends who will stick with you through the highs and lows. "They were there in the worst times and they're here now. The fans and their care for me, my well-being, and my music were the ones who pulled me through. The most emotional part of the Reputation Stadium Tour for me was knowing I was looking out at the faces of the people who helped me get back up. I'll never forget the ones who stuck around."
On writing music during happy times. "There's a common misconception that artists have to be miserable in order to make good art, that art and suffering go hand in hand. I'm really grateful to have learned this isn't true. Finding happiness and inspiration at the same time has been really cool."