Everything This Season of True Detective Made You Feel
Maybe our expectations were just too high. The first season of True Detective (after, admittedly, a warmup period) was one of the best shows of 2014, with Matthew McConaughey and Woody Harrelson delivering a dramatic gold mine, so our hopes were up there. And season two started off with potential, with a lot of excitement because of the promising cast, and when the premiere hit, it was, like, OK, there are some interesting questions here. But from pretty much the beginning, season two became the hate-watch of 2015, with viewers tuning in only to take to social media each Sunday to complain that they were underwhelmed and over this season (well, no complaints about this, anyway). It's been such a shared experience that I've pinpointed how it has felt every step of the way to watch True Detective season two.
When the First Moody Previews Aired
Then When the First Episode Premiered and You Were, Like, OK, There Is Stuff Here
Like Taylor Kitsch's Butt . . .
The Acting Seems Like It's Good . . .
Ray Promising to Do Gnarly Things to a Suburban Dad . . .
And Then Episode Two Came On, Answering No Questions
Then Ray Gets Shot at the End of Episode Two
And You're, Like, I Misjudged This Show. This Show Takes Risks
But Then He's Alive in Episode Three
And More Characters and Questions Are Introduced
While No Questions Get Answered
And Everything on the Show Makes You Mad
Like Every Time Vince Vaughn's Character and His Wife Have a Conversation
When Any Scene Ends
After 99 Percent of the Conversations
Why does everyone mumble on this show? Is that acting? Is this a new acting thing?
Every Time You Do Understand a Sentence but Actually Listen to the Words
You Wonder Why You're Still Doing This to Yourself Every Week
You Argue With Yourself Each Sunday About Watching It
And Have to Self-Medicate
But Then You're, Like, Wait, Am I Even Invested in These Characters?
And They Expect You to Care About Vince Vaughn's Character and His Wife Making a Baby
Or That Chad Is Not Ray's Kid
And It's, Like, Am I Supposed to Care If Taylor Kitsch's Character Is Gay?
Then There's That Crazy Shoot-Out at the End of Episode Four
And Then Someone Named Stan Dies and We Are Supposed to Feel
But You Remember That You Stopped Caring
While They Keep Finding Weird Crime Scenes That Lead to Nothing
Like that empty cabin. And Mayor Chessani's house. And remember that weird woman swimming in that weird pool at Caspere's house?
And You Realize They Are Still Trying to Solve Ben Caspere's Murder
Then They Shoehorn an Aggressive Orgy Scene in For Drama
You Think Maybe You Might Care If Colin Farrell and Rachel McAdams's Characters Get Together
But You Just Can't Anymore
But Then Rachel McAdams and Colin Farrell DO Get It On
And You're, Like, I Guess I Should Keep Watching?
There's Only the Finale Left
So You Tune In For the Final Episode, Hoping It Will All Make Sense
At Least Caspere's Murderer Is Revealed and Stuff
But Ray and Ani and Frank Don't Run After, Like, 17 Chances to Just Run
And Then Vince Vaughn Dies RIGHT Before He Gets to Safety
Then Ray Knows He's Being Tailed and Then Gets Himself Capped
I was sort of enjoying the Ray-Ani romance.
So It's, Like, Ray's Dead, Frank's Dead, Ani Is Alone, and the Bad Guys Win
Oh and Ray's Chad's father.