All 14 Times the Emotional Premiere of This Is Us Made 1 Editor Ugly Cry

Updated on 9/22/2016 at 12:05 AM

For the past few weeks, most of the hype surrounding NBC's This Is Us was about how much its first episode would make you cry. "This Is Us is worth the tears you'll shed," read one headline. "This Is Us is the new Mandy Moore show that will make you sob," promised another. I didn't believe them — how could less than an hour of TV introducing me to brand-new characters I haven't yet developed close connections with make me sob like Kim Kardashian when she found out she lost her diamond earring in the middle of the ocean? I watched the premiere on Tuesday night to see if I could make it through without shedding a tear, and let me tell you: I failed. Big time.

The drama follows the lives of four individuals — Jack (Milo Ventimiglia), Randall (Sterling K. Brown), Kate (Chrissy Metz), and Kevin (Justin Hartley) — who all have the same birthday, and are all on the cusp of major life events. Jack's wife, Rebecca (Mandy Moore), has just gone into labor with triplets; Randall has finally found the father who abandoned him as a baby; Kate is attending meetings to help with her food addiction; and Kevin just had a meltdown on the set of his popular TV show. Obviously these setups offer plenty of room for weeping, so armed with a bottle of Chardonnay and a box of tissues, I succumbed to every tear-inducing moment in the pilot.

Spoilers ahead!

The opening music. The episode primed my waterworks for action right away thanks to songs like "Death With Dignity" by Sufjan Stevens, and Labi Siffre's "Watch Me."
When Kate falls off of her scale. It's established right away that Kate is going through a major struggle with her weight thanks to shots of post-its with stuff like "Don't even think about it" written on them covering all the food in her fridge. She goes to weigh herself in the bathroom, but ends up slipping off her scale and taking a nasty fall that ends with her near tears on the floor with a twisted ankle, complaining about her body to her brother (who turns out to be her apparent twin, Kevin!). All of that isn't the sad part, though. It's her close bond with her brother and her determination to "lose the damn weight" that had me tearing up in this scene.
Dr. K's speech to Rebecca about delivering her child. After she and Jack get to the hospital so she can deliver their triplets, Rebecca starts to panic because their normal doctor is out due to an appendix burst. Luckily the kindly Dr. K (Gerald McRaney) is there to take his place, and promises to get her through: "I swear to you on my children's children that I am up to the task."
Jack's monologue about the babies. Jack also gets emotional during his wife's labor, and tells Dr. K why everything has to go perfectly. "It happens to be my birthday, and on my birthday, I get pretty lucky," he says through tears. "Only good things are gonna happen today. Do you know it, baby? Do you know it, Doc?" I'm fairly sure that Ventimiglia will single-handedly make stock in Kleenex skyrocket after people around the country watch it.
Randall finally confronts his long-lost father, William (Ron Cephas Jones). It's a testament to Brown's skill as an actor that he's able to convey years' worth of pain, resentment, and confusion when he shows up on his father's doorstep and confronts William about leaving him in front of a fire station when he was an infant. When William invites him inside to talk things over and Randall readily agrees, my eyes transformed into small, happy fountains.
When William explains himself to his son. Randall's father is clearly shocked by his unexpected arrival, but appears immediately sorry for the things he did in his past as a drug addict, and apologizes for the things he can't change. It's not enough for Randall and he storms out, only to return a split-second later to ask, "Do you want to meet your grandchildren?" And cue the small, happy fountains.
Kevin's epic meltdown in front of his studio audience. As the star actor of a CBS-style sitcom called "The Manny," (think: a laugh track, cheesy jokes), Kevin is frustrated by the lack of depth he's able to put into his hot-but-dumb, perma-shirtless character. When he finally is given the chance to deliver a solid, emotional performance (in a scene with Alan Thicke, no less), he's applauded and then told to "lose the shirt" and do "a lighter" version. His breakdown is dramatic, but realistic. I believe his frustrations. "God forbid we have real emotion in this show," he yells to the audience, who's busy filming him with their cellphones. "It's so bad! It's you guys — why are you watching this show? Shame on you for making us famous."

Rebecca starts having serious medical problems mid-birth. After delivering the first baby, a boy, Rebecca looks into Jack's eyes with a dazed expression and mumbles, "Something's not right." Everyone starts freaking out, and Dr. K has to physically push Jack aside before saying, "Your wife is in distress, Jack. Get the hell out of my way." NO! NO! NO!
When Kate reminds me of how many calories are in wine. At the end of her date with fellow food addict Toby, he asks if he can come in for a nightcap. She says no to the drink since they already drank their allotted 150 calories worth of alcohol on a glass of wine at dinner. Seeing as I was on my third glass at this point while watching the show, it made me sob for entirely different reasons.
The reason Kate turns Toby down. Toby is clearly very into Kate from the minute he meets her (he comes off as a little too pushy and aggressive if you ask me, but what do I know; I was on my third glass of wine at that point). When he makes a move in her apartment, she responds with a short and simple rejection. "I am 36, and this is not a very pretty picture," she says while gesturing to her own body. She spends a lot of the pilot openly acknowledging her weight problems and being somewhat self-deprecating about it all, but this honest reveal of how she truly sees herself (i.e. not pretty or comfortable enough to hook up with a guy she likes) is heartbreaking.
Jack finding out that the third baby, another boy, didn't make it. But they knitted three onesies! And they built three cribs! THIS IS NOT OK.
Dr. K trying to comfort him in the hallway. I admit that Dr. K's character is basically a wise grandfather trope, but that doesn't mean I was immune to his heartfelt speech to Jack. He sympathizes with him by telling him that he recently lost his wife to cancer, and they also suffered the loss of a child once. "I have spent five decades delivering babies, more than I can count," he says. "But there's not a single day that goes by that I don't think of the child I lost." His meaningful speech about seeing the bright side in the worst kind of situation is a little over the top, but it really hits home in that moment.
William tells Randall that he's dying. After Randall invites William back to his (palatial) home to meet his wife and daughters, William remarks that Randall's adoptive father "must've been very proud." Then, he tells Randall that he's dying, but that "it was a kindness you showed me, meeting [your daughters]." Randall invites him to stay with his family, and it's a lot to emotionally handle.
The big twist. While Jack gazes upon his two newborns, a boy and a girl, a firefighter comes to stand next to him, and points out an adorable little baby next to Jack's kids who he brought in after finding him on the doorstep of his fire station. Then, they share a congratulatory cigarette. "Wait," you might be thinking. "Since when can you smoke in a hospital?" You can't! Unless you're living in the year 1980, which, it turns out, Jack and Rebecca are! And who happened to be dropped off at a fire station as an infant? Randall! Because the couple tragically lost their third child, Jack and Rebecca end up adopting Randall and raising him as their own alongside their other children, Kate and Kevin.

Now that it's clear Kate, Kevin, and Randall are siblings, and that Jack and Rebecca are living in the Carter administration, how will the funky timeline work throughout the rest of the season? We don't know anything for sure yet, but I'll stock up on more wine and tissues just in case.