16 Things Sleep-Deprived Moms Go Through Every Damn Day
Whether you're a new mom or those sleepless nights are a distant (or not-so-distant) memory, we all know what it's like to function on very little sleep when you've got another human to look after. Sometimes you feel like Wonder Woman because you're getting things done, and other times you just hope the universe will give you a free pass because you literally cannot function. If you've ever poured breast milk in your coffee and cold brew in your baby's bottle, then you know what it's like to be a sleep-deprived mom. Keep reading for 16 relatable-as-hell things we all may or may not have done while running on little or no sleep.
Feeling Like You've Been Up For 500 Years by 7 a.m.
The day hasn't even really started yet, and you already feel like you've been up for days. The idea of making it through so many more hours actually has you a little scared.
Pouring OJ in the Toasted O's
Can we play it off like we totally meant to do that? Whole grains plus vitamin C equals a nutritious breakfast!
Rocking the Topknot All Day, Every Day
It's a superchic and easy hairstyle, yet it also disguises the fact that the last time you actually used shampoo (not the dry kind) was maybe two weeks ago. Also, no hair in your face means there's nothing for your kids to pull on.
Charming the Starbucks Barista in Hopes of Getting a Free Double Shot
It doesn't matter who is working the counter, you NEED your espresso to keep this operation going. And if pouring on the charm and throwing out your best jokes is what it takes to get that extra foam or shot, then that's what you'll do.
Packing Your Partner Goldfish For Lunch
. . . and your kid a protein bar. The lunch assembly line is hard to keep track of on two hours sleep. Hope your partner also likes string cheese and Ring Pops.
Calling Your Kid by the Pet's Name (and Vice Versa)
Ben sort of sounds a lot like Butterscotch, right? With a baby, a pet, a spouse, and maybe even another child, that's a lot of names to keep track of. Besides, everyone knows what you mean.
Asking Everyone to Call Your Missing Phone When It's in Your Pocket
It's hard to keep track of stuff when you're a tired mom, so don't give us a hard time when we lose (or think we've lost) our phone, keys, or other essentials. Hey, we haven't lost any of the children yet, so there's that!
Driving the Carpool Without Your Own Kids
Yes, you know the route to soccer practice and the ballet studio like the back of your hand. You load up the car and get way too close to home before you realize your own kids are not in the car. Oops.
Forgetting to Bring an Ingredient List (Or Money) to the Store
You know the store has the things you need. You're just so damn tired that you're not exactly sure what you went in there to buy. And you're seriously hoping that "putting it on your tab" is an OK form of payment.
Asking Strangers to Hold Your Baby
Sometimes moms just need a helping hand so they can reach something on a high shelf or track down their other wayward children. Apparently you don't look like a kidnapper, so take that as a huge compliment!
Bribing Your Kids to Take a Nap
Hatchimals, Beyblades, cold hard cash — you use them all. Them going to sleep for 30 minutes is something you just can't put a price on. Or can you?
Resting Your Eyes During Kids Movies
"Mommy loves this movie, she's just resting her eyes!" Yes, mommy, we know you've been highly anticipating watching Finding Dory for the 15th time.
Having a Glass of "Mom Juice" After a Long, Hard Day
Whether it's hair of the dog after a mom's night out, a shot of Bailey's with your coffee to get you through that Music Together class, or a daily glass of wine after finally getting them in bed, you should have no shame in your "mom juice" game.
Trying Hard to Stay Awake During Sex
OK, this one definitely isn't an everyday thing (and if it is for you, please tell me your secrets), but it's so relatable. If you've ever had to yell "No, I swear I'm awake!" during a little one-on-one time with your partner, we feel you. It's hard to muster up the energy for sex on four hours sleep.
Washing Your Face With Hand Lotion
To be fair, the bottles look exactly the same. Don't we at least get points for washing at all?
Collapsing Into Bed But Not Being Able to Sleep
You're finally in bed! Sleep is here! But wait, it's time to start thinking of everything you have to do tomorrow.