Kids Say the Darnedest Things . . . About Their Parents' Private Parts

Kids have a knack for saying the most embarrassing things at the most inopportune times, don't they? There's nothing more mortifying than having your tot comment on your or your partner's private parts — at the top of their lungs — in a public restroom, or in front of an elderly relative, or even in front of your own mom. While most of us want to blend into the wall when this happens, there's little we can do but laugh it off — or share the story with other parents! Here, a random sampling of real-life humiliating stories, as told by you, our very own readers. Because of the embarrassing nature of the topic, the quotes are presented anonymously! Source: Shutterstock


"My son who was three at the time walked in the bedroom while his dad was getting dressed and saw him naked and then asked me why daddy has a tail on the front . . . LOL!" Source: Giphy


"The first time I took a shower with my daughter to show her how to take one, she looked up at me and started laughing. I looked down at her, laughed, and said, 'What?' She said, 'Mommy, your boobies look like big piles of dough with a pepperoni on top!' We laughed so hard!" Source: CNN


"My 8-year-old daughter wanted to know when she would get 'fur,' I almost died laughing!"


"My daughter who is four told me, 'Mom, when I get old and wrinkly I don't want long boobs. I will keep my short boobs!'"


"My 4-year-old was in the shower and yelled, 'MOM! I found my brains!' while squeezing his testicles."


"I work in daycare and a 2-year-old was very interested in breasts because his mother was nursing a new baby. After telling me I had 'nice big boobies' I said, 'Oh thanks' (because I didn't know what else to say). He looked at me and said, 'Are they for feeding all the babies over there?' Like I was the daycare wet nurse."


"My husband was in the shower, and our (then 3-year-old) daughter had to go pee. I told her to go ahead and go. When she was done, she flung open the shower curtain to tell daddy something. He scream[ed] a little high-pitched scream, pulled the shower curtain shut, and told her to get out. She comes out, looks at me very seriously, and says, 'Mommy, I saw daddy's penis. It was huge!' She then spent the rest of the day telling any one and every one, 'My daddy has a huge penis!' So. Embarrassing!" Source: Giphy


"Well at the time, our teenage son was probably five or six and he loved lasagna. However, he couldn't pronounce it so he would ask, in the middle of the grocery store mind you, 'Mom, can we have some of your tasty vagina for dinner?' I turned 10 shades of red and worked really hard with him everyday to pronounce it correctly from that day on . . . super embarrassed, even to this day." Source: Giphy


"After a hectic morning of my 3-year-old bugging my husband while he showers, I took them to the dentist. When the dentist asked, 'How are you today?' My little guy sighs and replies (at top volume), 'Not good. I just hate daddy's penis hair!' My husband is now in search of a new dentist." Source: Giphy


"My 4-year-old daughter was watching dad pee in the toilet and said, 'Daddy, you're doing wees out of your finger.'"


"It was that time of the month for me, and my 2-year-old daughter goes to the bathroom with me every time I go. Well she noticed all of the blood and said, 'Ohh, mommy bleeding?! Do you need a bandage?!' Oh, sweetheart!"


"We were at my grandpa's 80th birthday dinner two weeks ago. My aunt and uncle were talking to my 6-year-old daughter about how my uncle and grandpa have no hair on their heads. My daughter proudly and loudly announced, 'Well, my mommy has hair on her bottom!'"


"Was babysitting for a friend's little girl and she told me that her mommy's vagina has a beard!"

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"After seeing his darker-skinned father taking a shower, my friend's son asked him why he had poop on his wee wee!"


"When my daughter was about three, she would stand between my hubby's legs while he dried himself after his shower in our ensuite and [she] hit his penis, saying she plays tennis! Lol! He never dried himself off in our bedroom again!" Source: Giphy


"My nephew walked in the bathroom while his dad was taking a bath . . . he said, 'What you got there daddy? A tail?'"


"My husband was always very careful that our daughter never saw him naked/changing. When she was almost four she walked into our bedroom to see him in his tight boxer briefs. She came running out to me yelling 'Mommy! Daddy pooped his pants! He has poop in his pants! It's really big too!' She repeated the story over and over for every person we saw for the next week." Source: Giphy


"My two and a half year old daughter walked in on me putting a tampon in and says, 'Mommy why you putting a banana in your bum?' Cringe! I had no words!"


"In the bowling alley last year, my then 6-year-old comes over to me and hugs me, then yells out (with a lane full of men next to us), 'When I was a baby I used to suck on your boobs right?' Mortified!"


"The first time our oldest daughter saw my husband in just his underwear (by complete accident, he had no idea she was in the room), she asked, 'Daddy, what's in your pocket? It looks like a banana, can I have it?' We were mortified!" Source: Giphy


"When my baby was born, I nursed her so to explain to her sisters when they came to visit I asked what they thought breasts were for. One didn't know, and the other said, 'For decoration?'"


"In a public restroom — of course — my son asked, 'Mommy, why are you peeing out of your butt?'"


"My daughter has asperger's syndrome, and when she was small, her father got caught running out of the shower to the bedroom. She caught a glimpse of him and started screaming, 'Elephant nose, elephant nose!' He is not circumcised." Source: Giphy

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"My oldest wouldn't leave his alone, he's four now, and he would put the hand down the nappy etc. So I told him one day that it will fall off. Well when we started toilet training, he wanted to go in every time mum or dad went, as they do, and he turns to me and says, 'Haha you played with your doodle too much because it has fallen off! I like my doodle and I will leave it alone.' Well my second son can't even touch his own without my older son, yelling in a panic, 'Don't play with it, it will fall off!'"


"My son and daughter climbed in to cuddle with us Saturday morning. My daughter is a daddy's girl and daddy was still asleep. We all know how men tend to wake up in the . . . alert . . . side. Anyway, he rolled on his back so he could hug both kids at the same time and the blanket was down to his knees (he doesn't sleep with covers) and my daughter (she just turned four) goes, 'Uh . . . dad . . . your penis is awake . . . '"