How to Love Your Partner in Ways They Need Most, According to Their Enneagram Type

Type One

• Tell them they made a meaningful difference in someone's life. Type ones want to do good and improve problems, but they can be self-critical. By telling your type one they did a good job and helped someone else, you can make them feel good about themselves.
• Engage in community service with them. Type ones believe they have a mission to help others and they want to carry that out in practical ways. By actively engaging in this with them, you can show you care about them and their values.
• Acknowledge and be appreciative when they do something nice for you. To help a type one feel appreciated and good, you can show extra gratefulness when they do something kind, like helping you get a task done or buying you a gift. Acknowledging their integrity is a way to help them feel loved and important.

Type Two

• Express love according to their love language. We tend to feel and show love in specific ways, and these ways typically fall into the five love languages. Ask your partner what their love language is and aim to show them love in that way.
• Allow them to help you and be gracious after. Type twos are either genuinely helpful or they want to see themselves as helpful. When your type two partner offers to help, let them. Afterward, thank them, since being appreciated makes them feel important.
• Remind them of how helpful and important they are. Since type twos want to feel loved and helpful, you can remind them of how much you appreciate and care about them. Remember to be genuine and specific in what you say.

Type Three

• Affirm their talents and achievements. By giving your partner positive attention about something they've done and genuinely expressing what you admire about them, you can help them feel loved and special.
• Remind them they're inherently worthy, especially when they fail. Type threes can get caught up in wanting to be successful and worrying about how others see them ー making failure especially difficult. When this happens, remind your partner that you love them and that they're worthy regardless.
• Buy them something that can help them achieve their dreams. Whether it's something as small as a coffee to wake them up or as big as a new laptop when theirs is about to break, you can love your type three well by giving them a gift that will help them be successful.

Type Four

• Remind them what specific, unique quality of theirs you appreciate. Type fours see themselves as unique, but in both positive and negative ways. They fear others won't understand and love them for who they are. By showing you love even the qualities in them that they don't love themselves, you can affirm your partner.
• Help them feel comfortable and valuable in social settings. Type fours don't want to be alone, but they can feel self-conscious in social settings. They also struggle with low self-esteem. To show them love, you can help them feel included and important in front of others by building them up.
• Buy them a self-care book or item they can use to express themselves. Type fours want to maintain stable moods while also expressing themselves. You can support them and show them love by buying them a helpful book or some art materials, for example, if you think that would help.

Type Five

• Entertaining their interests and search for knowledge. Type fives want to know why things work the way they do; they're always asking questions. Instead of making fun of them for this, engage in conversation and their quest for information alongside them.
• Help them feel competent. Type fives tend to seek knowledge because they fear being unable to navigate the world competently. When you can tell your partner is feeling anxious, remind them they're capable. When they know something or help you do something, acknowledge that and remind them of their knowledge. This will help them feel affirmed and seen.
• Buy them a book or spend quality time at a museum. Since type fives value learning, you can show them love by buying them an educational book or going on an educational trip with them (while obeying social distancing guidelines).

Type Six

• Being loyal and showing love consistently. Since type sixes fear abandonment, you can help them feel loved by not being flaky in your actions or words. Give your best advice when they need it ー without making them feel controlled ー and don't make them feel bad for needing extra support.
• Help them feel secure in their surroundings. Type sixes can feel unsteady and anxious, and they tend to rely on allies and beliefs. To help them feel loved, you can affirm them and remind them you'll back them up.
• Spend meaningful time together. Type sixes need your support and loyalty, which you can show by sharing quality time together. Have fun, show them they're important to you, and support their needs.

Type Seven

• Go along with their spontaneity and feel their excitement with them. Type sevens are thrilled by anticipation and new ideas. When they're feeling this way, feel it with them. Encourage them and try to not damper their excitement so they feel supported.
• Affirm their talents and hard work. Since type sevens can pick up new hobbies relatively quickly and easily, they may not feel as proud of themselves. You can show them love by affirming what they've done.
• Buy them materials or tickets that will help them feel excited. You can show your type seven love by supporting their hobbies and bringing spontaneity to the relationship. For example, if they've begun painting, buy them some more canvases. If they love riding roller coasters, buy tickets for both of you to go to an amusement park when it's safe to do so.

Type Eight

• Helping them feel strong and not controlling them. While controlling your partner is never healthy, be especially mindful of the ways you suggest things to your partner if they're a type eight. Help them feel needed and in control of their decisions.
• Give them extra love when they're in vulnerable situations. Type eights are uncomfortable with vulnerability and often seek to protect themselves from it. However, life is full of situations in which we have to be vulnerable. In those times, show your partner extra love by communicating through their love language. Remind them that vulnerability makes us strong, not weak, and that you support them.
• Spend time doing what they like to do and feel comfortable doing. Since type eights want to be in control, you can show them love by spending time together doing what they want to do. Don't neglect your own needs and wants, but make a little extra time for them so they feel safe and loved.

Type Nine

• Encourage them to assert themselves, while not making them feel bad for struggling to do so. Type nines fear any kind of tension and would rather "go with the flow" than stand up for themselves and their beliefs. To show a type nine you care about their needs, you can encourage them to stand up for themselves while understanding that doing so is difficult for them. One skill you can suggest is using an "I statement," which is a healthy way to communicate feelings and needs.
• Remind them you're there to support them when they have to experience conflict. Type nines try to live in a state of eternal peace, which unfortunately isn't possible. When they try to escape into that state, remind them they can get through this tough situation and that they're not alone, because you're there to help them handle it.
• Give them a hug if they'd like one in anxiety-ridden times. Hugs can help people feel trust, calmness, and compassion. If your partner is OK with a hug, you can give them one to show you love them, especially when they feel anxious about a conflict.