Skip Nav
Interview With Lively CEO Michelle Cordeiro Grant
F*cking Awesome Females
How This Mom's YOLO Moment Disrupted the $13 Billion Lingerie Industry
Family Life
20 Must-Have Classic Children's Books — and When to Introduce Them
Fridababy Fridet Review
Pregnancy
The Best Present Anyone Got Me After Having My Baby Was a $15 Butt Washer — and It Was From My Husband

Things You Should Never Say to an Adopted Child

10 Things Your Adopted Child Should Never Have to Hear

No matter how your child is conceived or becomes a member of your family, nothing can lessen the legitimacy of the bond between a parent and a child. Parents who adopt are often confronted with questions about what it's like to love a child that is not "their own," and adopted children also have to deal with ridiculous and insensitive comments from others — sometimes even from those who really mean well. If you're welcoming an adopted child into your family, if your adopted child has reached an age where they're starting to ask more questions, or if they've been hurt by something someone said to them at school, nothing is more important than transparency, honesty, and incredible amounts of love. Here are just a few things you (and everyone else) should never saying to a child who is adopted.

  1. "I'm sure your biological mother did what she thought was best for you." Whether she did or she didn't, mothers put their children up for adoption for all sorts of reasons, and your child doesn't need you to justify that reason in order to feel loved.
  2. "You're much better off now than you would have been." Adopted children shouldn't have to compare their family to a family they never knew. No one can say whether the situation would have been any better or worse, so it's not productive for them to wonder what could have been.
  3. "I chose you, which makes you even more special." "Chosen" and "special" are nice, but what an adopted child wants to hear more than anything is that he or she is just "normal."
  4. "Who are your real parents?" This question suggests that the people who raise an adopted child aren't real, which isn't true at all. This question can cause confusion and hurt, because you're asking them to choose one over the other.
  5. "You should feel so lucky." If there's something adopted children do not owe their adoptive parents, it's their eternal gratitude. Kids can (and should!) feel grateful for kind and loving parents, but an adopted child shouldn't be made to feel that you did them this huge favor. You love them, they love you, and you're a family. That's it.
  6. "You're just as much my child as your siblings are." Comparing your love for your birth child to your adopted child only brings attention to their differences. This is something that shouldn't have to be said if it's really true.
  7. "I bet most people can't even tell that you were adopted." Resembling their adoptive family isn't something adoptive children should aspire to in order to feel legitimate.
  8. "Where are you really from?" This question can make an adopted child feel like they don't fit into a certain box that society tells them they should. They may have a different heritage and not look like their siblings or parents, but that doesn't mean they aren't from that family.
  9. "I wish I was adopted." Children who are adopted can go through a lot, and to casually throw this into a conversation with them can be heartbreaking. You're implying that you don't like your parents and wish for the "easy" way of just joining a new family.
  10. "I love you just as much as I would if you were my own." The minute you decide to welcome a child into your home, he or she becomes yours. It's not "if" they were your own, because they already are.
Image Source: Pixabay / 192635
From Our Partners
Essay About Why Moms Love Venting to Each Other
Should You Check Your Toddler For Ticks?
Why Should You Keep Your Child in a Rear-Facing Car Seat?
Best Educational Apps For Kids 2018
Best Summer Books For Kids 2018
Things to Do With Kids on Rainy Days in the Summer
Are Community Pools Safe For Kids?
Funny Things That Happen on School Field Trips
Good Pool Snacks For Kids
Essay About Having Kids After You Didn't Want Any
Essay About Kids Behaving When You're Not There
Essay About Mom Confronting Another Mom in Target
From Our Partners
Latest Moms
All the Latest From Ryan Reynolds