Choosing an Abortion Was Really Empowering

This article is part of POPSUGAR's 50 States, 50 Abortions, a large-scale storytelling project that aims to elevate the voices of people who've had abortions. For more information about how to find an abortion clinic near you, please visit The Cut's abortion service finder.

I had my abortion about a year ago, when I was 33. For many years, I had been doing fertility awareness in tandem with condoms as birth control, so I track my temperatures daily. My temperature shifted a lot earlier than it typically does before my expected period, so I had a feeling that I might be pregnant. I took a pregnancy test, and it came back positive. It was pretty early; I was around three and a half weeks pregnant.

I knew pretty immediately that I wanted to have an abortion. I have always been strongly pro-choice, but I gave myself some time to sit with my feelings and my options. I called my local Planned Parenthood and the ob-gyn department at the local hospital pretty early on so I could get info. Planned Parenthood helped me schedule an in-clinic procedure, but the first opening was three weeks or so out.

I was on the fence about whether I should get a medical abortion with the abortion pill or if I should go in for the in-person abortion. I spent a lot of time researching it online and reading about other people's experiences. I saw a lot of people who said that they've had both and would choose the in-clinic procedure if they did it again. And from what I read about the pills, there are a lot of variables around the amount of pain or bleeding or other side effects that people experience. There was something comforting about the control of being in office and having people with me.

The one downside was I could have gotten the pills sooner and wouldn't have had to wait for those three weeks. And the wait was the worst part, even though I'm lucky that Vermont has no statewide restrictions that forced my hand. Just being pregnant and not wanting to be was the worst, and I had to keep going about my day-to-day life even though this major thing was happening to me. Every morning, I woke up afraid I would have morning sickness or other pregnancy symptoms. I also think the hormones made me a little more emotional, and I had a lot of stress about if I had made the right choice in deciding to do the in-clinic procedure. I worried about what it would actually be like and how I would feel after.

Oftentimes, abortion is presented in the media as being a really horrific, scary, painful, blood-and-protestors sort of thing, which of course it is for some people. But that wasn't my experience. The procedure itself was not particularly painful. I chose to do it without any sedation, so I just had ibuprofen for pain relief. I've had periods that were more painful. I think it helped that when I had the abortion, I was only seven weeks pregnant. And I think another large piece is that I did feel well-supported by people in my life, that I do live in a state where abortion is legal and there's access. My providers were really friendly and supportive. And I was able to have it done at a Planned Parenthood and didn't have to go through the whole hospital system.

After the procedure, I didn't have any major issues. A couple months later, when I had my first period, I was bleeding so heavily that I decided to go to the emergency room, though I ended up being fine. If I was in the same situation again, it would probably be easier for me, because a lot of the stress and anxiety and discomfort that I experienced was because it was my first time being pregnant and choosing abortion. I would have more ease in knowing what the experience would be like.

Something that I didn't anticipate in the experience of choosing abortion is that it was really empowering. I got to make choices about the healthcare that I received and had a full array of options. I feel really grateful, just generally for the care I received both at a professional level — the Planned Parenthood and the providers there — and the personal connections in my life. But one of the biggest surprises in my experience of becoming pregnant and choosing abortion is the amount of people that I knew who had been impacted by abortion and I didn't know. I consider myself pretty close to my family and friends, so it just shows how taboo the topic is that people don't even want to tell the people closest to them.

Abortion is a part of healthcare, and there's nothing wrong with accessing abortion and other choices related to reproductive healthcare. People have a wide array of experiences, and abortion doesn't necessarily need to be a difficult or traumatizing choice or experience.

I know I have a lot of privilege here. I live in a state where abortion access remains available and legal, I have health insurance, and I'm mixed race but white passing and in a heterosexual-passing relationship. That all made it easier for me to have this abortion and have a positive experience. Roe v. Wade being overturned is really awful and has so many rippling repercussions on people's lives.

— Anonymous (she/they) (Vermont), as told to Victoria Edel

Image Sources For "Click For Stories From Each State": Unsplash / Aaron Burden, Getty / Sergii Iaremenko/Science Photo Library, Unsplash / Manik Roy and Photo Illustration: Patricia O'Connor