I Never Thought I'd Need an Abortion — Until I Did

This article is part of POPSUGAR's 50 States, 50 Abortions, a large-scale storytelling project that aims to elevate the voices of people who've had abortions. For more information about how to find an abortion clinic near you, please visit The Cut's abortion service finder.

I'd been pro-choice for pretty much as long as I can remember, but I always thought of abortion as kind of distant from my own life. I didn't know anyone who had an abortion, to my knowledge. I never thought I would be in this position where I would need to have one either. But clearly that changed.

A little bit of background: I have never had a regular period in my life. I first got my period when I was 14 — I'm 21 now — and I've never been able to track it consistently because it's always been super sporadic, and that was always kind of made worse by college athletics. So it was super common for me actually to go several months without getting a period.

I did experiment with different kinds of birth control, including multiple variations of the pill. But many of them made me feel super lethargic and sick, which is not something you want to feel, especially as a college athlete. So I decided to get off the pill for a bit and try to let my body self-regulate. I was still having sex during this time while not being on birth control. I know that's risky, but because my periods were so irregular, I naively thought that I wasn't at high risk to get pregnant.

But for that reason, I also always kept pregnancy tests on hand — just to have peace of mind.

One day in March, I had unprotected sex, and so I took the morning-after pill the next day.

Flash-forward, a little more than two weeks had gone by, and I was like, "OK, this might be when my period would come." But as I said before, my period was super irregular, so there were no sirens going off in my head. I took a pregnancy test anyway, and the first line I saw on the test was the vertical one. And I was like, "Oh, sh*t, this is totally not what I was expecting to see."

I called my mom, which was a little bit of a shot in the dark for me. I didn't know how she was going to react — if she was going to be super angry, or upset, or what she was going to say. But I called her and was like, "Mom, I just took a pregnancy test. It's positive." And then I just waited for her to say something. She was like, "OK, what do you want to do?" I was so relieved that she was so calm and cool about it, because I think if she had freaked out, it would have freaked me out. She was super levelheaded and told me to go to a doctor to get a blood test to confirm that the at-home test I had taken was correct. I was really grateful that she was so understanding and kind.

When I got to the doctor, I explained my situation, including how I had taken a Plan B and everything, and shortly after the nurse took the blood test, the doctor came in and said, "So were you planning on getting pregnant?" I said no, and she told me to call this family-planning center.

I knew the two options that I was considering: either I carry a pregnancy and become a mother, or I get an abortion. At this point, my mind wasn't totally made up. But I was leaning toward an abortion because, logistically, I was a college student, very involved in athletics, and didn't have any money or a real place to live to raise a kid.

After I left the doctor's office, I called the family-planning center as soon as I got in the car. But when I asked if they offered abortions, the woman on the phone said, "No, but let me tell you all of your options." As soon as she said that, I realized exactly what kind of place this was: a pregnancy crisis center. She was really trying to keep me on the phone. I was like, "Oh, no, thanks." And I just hung up.

I called a few other places that were similar. If you do a Google search for "abortion clinics near me," many of the places that come up don't actually offer abortions. So I called my ob-gyn, and they told me they also don't perform abortions. Finally, as I was racking my brain for somewhere I could go, I remembered Planned Parenthood and called them.

They told me they could get me in in three weeks. But I knew that wasn't going to cut it for me, because as an athlete, I really did not want to feel the effects of pregnancy during competition season. And when I got the blood test back, the doctor told me I was already five weeks pregnant, which didn't make sense because I'd only had unprotected sex two or three weeks ago. I didn't know this at the time, but medical professionals actually count how far along you are based on your last menstrual cycle, which was a far different timeline for me than when I'd had unprotected sex because my period was so irregular. I was also worried that the longer I waited to get an abortion, the more it would complicate things for me in terms of the type of abortion I could get. (Editors' note: The abortion pill can be used up to 11 weeks of pregnancy, according to Planned Parenthood.)

I eventually found a women's health center in my state that offered abortions.

The day after I found out I was pregnant, I went to compete in a sporting event and still hadn't told anyone that I was pregnant. My parents came down to watch me, and then we went out to dinner to talk about the logistics of an abortion. I was super grateful to have them in that moment.

That whole week, in between when I was pregnant and waiting to get an abortion, I started telling a few very close friends, and I was met with overwhelming support from them, too. But I think what I was really craving during that time was to talk to someone else who had been through the same situation to tell me, "Hey, it's gonna be OK."

Fast-forward to my appointment day: my dad actually drove me to the abortion clinic, which meant a lot to me because I was nervous and really appreciated knowing that he was gonna be outside waiting for me. At no point throughout the entire process was he ever judgmental of me, only supportive. We got there, and there were no protesters outside; I just went in alone. I told my dad he should wait in the car.

In the waiting room, I was filling out paperwork when I noticed a book titled "Shout Your Abortion." When I flipped through the pages, it was all these women sharing their abortion stories and various experiences and reasons for getting an abortion, and it was nice to read. I mean, I wasn't exactly up at night debating my choice — it was just what I had to do and what I wanted to do, and there were so many stories in that book just like mine. It was super refreshing and made me feel really at ease in the waiting room.

They called my name shortly after I finished flipping through the book. First, they did an ultrasound to make sure everything looked OK. Then they asked if I wanted to see the ultrasound. I said OK, just because I was curious. What I saw was a very small black blob on the screen. It was almost comical to me in that moment that this hazy little black dot on the screen was what people were fighting about.

As far as the actual procedure went, they gave me one pill to take in the office and another to take at home. After taking the first pill in the office, my dad drove me home to my house, and I went about my day as normal. I even went for a run. Then, when I took the second medication, I started to cramp a little bit and I thought, "This is game time." But it was actually a walk in the park. I've had periods that were comparable to that. I was back on my feet in a day.

If I could go back and change one thing about my abortion process, it's that I wish I had known about abortion funds — I had no idea what those were until after the fact. I'm glad I didn't have to cover the cost myself because $500 is a lot of money for a college student, especially surrounding such a time-sensitive issue. I was lucky enough to have my parents help me out, along with some money from the other person involved.

I had the abortion on Friday, and on Sunday, I drove back to school and kept the abortion to myself, aside from the few friends who I told initially. A few weeks later, the draft of Roe v. Wade being overturned was leaked. That's when I started to get super emotional. It just hit me really hard. I was thinking, "I totally could have been forced to carry a pregnancy that I did not want to carry." And that was a really scary thought.

The few friends who I had told immediately checked up on me after the news came out to ask me how I was doing. And I told them, "That was really hard to hear and hard to see and just made me so grateful for my own experience and situation," in the sense that I was able to get an abortion when I needed one.

But as the dialogue continued around the possible overturn of Roe v. Wade, I started to get upset. In conversations with friends who I hadn't told, they talked about abortion like it was super distant from their own lives — like it wasn't close to them. I was like, "They don't have a clue that anyone around them could have had one."

Then fast-forward to June when Roe v. Wade was officially overturned, and my stomach just dropped. Still, people I followed on social media and people close to me were talking about it like it wasn't close to them or anyone they knew. That was really starting to bother me.

So I decided to post something on my Close Friends Instagram Story, which had 20 to 30 people on it. I said something like, "I am the person in question who you guys are talking about who's had an abortion! You may not think abortion is close to you, but it is." And as I was responding to more people, I kept saying things like, "I guarantee you I'm not the only person you know who's had one. Maybe I'm the only person who has told you that they've had one, but I guarantee you, there are plenty of people you know who have probably had one. So when you're talking about abortion, just be mindful that there are likely people in the room who have had one."

After posting, I was met with a ton of support, which is somewhat what I was expecting — my close friends, we all think the same way. But what I wasn't expecting was for some of them to be like, "Hey, I've actually had one, too." That was super cool.

But at the same time, it was a little bit bittersweet, because I was like, "Man, I really wish I had known that some of my friends had also had abortions while I was having mine and going through that process." It would have been really nice to talk to someone who had been through it to guide me on what to expect and tell me their experience. But if I can share my story and possibly be that person for someone else now, that's awesome to me.

My advice to other people who have had an abortion is tell your story. I understand that not everyone is in the position to do so or feels comfortable discussing their experiences, but if you are, talk about it. The more I talk about it, the better I feel, and the more times I tell my story, it's just like a weight off my shoulders because it doesn't feel like I'm carrying around this super-taboo secret. It just feels like a normal healthcare experience that I had to deal with at one point in my life.

— Casey (she/her) (Virginia), as told to Alexis Jones

Image Sources For "Click For Stories From Each State": Unsplash / Aaron Burden, Getty / Sergii Iaremenko/Science Photo Library, Unsplash / Manik Roy and Photo Illustration: Patricia O'Connor