Most aspects of life change after having kids, but perhaps the biggest changes reveal themselves around the holidays. Whereas the Christmas season before children is full of homemade hot chocolate, quirky white elephant parties, and snuggling up to watch holiday movies in the peace and quiet of your home, the holiday season after kids is full of search parties for hot toys, keeping the magic of Santa relentlessly alive, positioning a weird little elf around the house every morning, and fencing in your tree so the baby can't eat the pine needles.
If you're jonesin' for just a little taste of what the Christmas season was like before you had your precious little ones, you're not alone. However, we can't give that to you, so read through to instead see what the holidays look like for parents, as told by Home Alone's beloved Kevin McCallister.
Already?!
What is it about cameras that make a kid's behavior the worst?
How is it possible that the line for Saint Nick is this long every single day leading up to Christmas?
Just when you though the line was the worst part . . .
As your kids sit poised, ready to touch everything.
The cheap plastic ornament market was definitely created for parents.
As you pack away everything breakable that you just spent hours setting up.
Not only do you have to remember to set it up before bed, but the kids expect it to be doing something funny every single morning!
Read: Christmas novel/regurgitated toy catalog.
Your intentions may be good, but there's no easy way to shop with kids through the hell that is a crowded mall blaring Christmas music.
You pat yourself on the back as other moms figure out how they're going to explain why "Santa" didn't bring their kid the most coveted toy of the year.
Never has anything felt so gratifying, whether you finish weeks or hours before Christmas.
It's as if the suggestion alone justifies comparing you to Scrooge or the Grinch.
You smile and wave even though inside you are brimming with jealousy at their spontaneous and independent lifestyle (full of breakable Christmas decorations and glass tree ornaments).
It's no easy feat keeping the magic of Santa alive.
Welp, now you're going to have to unwrap everything and buy new paper so they don't figure out that Mommy is Santa.
Cool it, Santa is the only thing keeping the kids behaved leading up to the holiday!
It's the best Christmas gift they could have given you.
Tomorrow morning, this beautiful room will be in ruins.
And it feels like you just fell asleep.
As you stay very clearly out of their way, dodging empty boxes and flying gift bows.
You have so many things to do, you figure they can handle this solo for once . . . maybe not, though.
Why can't Christmas dinner be something simple like Chinese food or pizza?
In the spirit of Christmas, you let them, but you know you're going to pay for this later.