7 Reasons I Refuse to Host Thanksgiving, Like, Ever Again

Published on Nov 12, 2019 at 4:31 PM

Confession: I am not a huge fan of Thanksgiving. Of all the holidays, I'd rank it just under Flag Day. Not that I am not thankful. Or that I don't appreciate our country's flag. It's just that, well, let's say our family Thanksgivings haven't always gone off without a hitch. There was that one year my dog ate my favorite Stuart Weitzman shoes. But that was nothing compared to the year I announced my pregnancy, and my entire family was so shocked that they just stared at me, and no one said anything for an uncomfortably long amount of time. (It was our third baby, and after about 24 hours when the shock wore off, everyone was super excited!) Or how about the year a bunch of folks got into a big fight, and some relatives left before dessert? Did I mention I host Thanksgiving every year?

Well, guess what? This year, I'm not doing it! I refuse to invite in the mayhem. Eating turkey just isn't that important to me. As if you need more evidence as to why I'm just not up for it, read on for some laughs at my expense as I share the reasons I'm banning turkeys over 10 pounds — and multiple pies — in my kitchen this year.

I simply don't have time to cook.

With four kids, I'm lucky if I get a chance to shower, let alone plan, shop for, and prepare an Instagram-worthy Thanksgiving table and feast for my family and friends.

People are always too full from appetizers to eat the meal.

So they sit around at the dining table complaining about how they're stuffed. Yet they load up their plates with food, eat it, and then bemoan how they're even more full. Then they eat pie. And I get it; Thanksgiving is about stuffing yourself. It's fun! You can eat healthy every other day (except Super Bowl). But I've been witness to this routine for too many years, and I think I have had my fill (see what I did just there?) of people not wanting to eat the food I spent hours preparing.

Inevitably, someone gets drunk and says or does dumb sh*t.

OK, one year it might have been me. But for every year forthcoming, I'd like everyone to over-imbibe and make fools of ourselves at someone else's house. That way, I don't have to tell anyone to leave or end up hiding out in my bedroom to avoid the unruly people in my own home!

My house just isn't big enough.

It's big enough for my family, but not to accommodate my whole extended family. So it gets too darn crowded. Shoes, coats, abandoned drinks, ugh! They're everywhere, and the cleanup is insane.

I'll end up on cleanup duty as well.

Remember what I said about cleanup duty? Others pours themselves another drink, or dive into the desserts, or start a movie. I want to dive into a slice of pie! I want to watch the movie! But instead I'm collecting abandoned drinks.

Hosting is just anxiety-producing, and I don't need that!

Like everyone else, I have a lot going on without the hassle of hosting Thanksgiving. That's why this year, I vote we all go out to eat so no one has to take on the stress!

Honestly, I'd much rather host Christmas.

And that is less than four weeks after Thanksgiving this year. So someone else is going to have to make the turkey. Sorry (not sorry)!