It's one thing to lose a pet of your own, but if your partner, friend, or family member loses a pet that you've never met, it can be hard to watch them grieve and difficult to know how to help. But just because you never met their pet doesn't mean you can't support them.
We all have different, and special, relationships with our pets. As Jay Lappin, clinical social worker and family therapist, said, "They are both pets and family — we celebrate their birthdays, they're part of our rituals, and their personalities bring out sides of ourselves only seen at home." Pets are nonjudgmental companions, which can feel like a refreshing break from the rest of the world.
"Many times, our pets are our therapists," said Danielle Cromartie-Williams, licensed professional counselor and psychotherapist. "Our pets have grown with us and have been our main source of comfort. That shouldn't be overlooked." Studies have even shown that petting a dog can lower our blood pressure. That emotional connection is what makes losing them so hard, and the uniqueness of each individual pet-to-owner relationship can make supporting a bereaved pet owner difficult. Here's how you can support a friend or partner who's lost a pet.
"Taking a little time to just let your friend process their loss can be the most helpful," she said. She recommended asking about a favorite memory of the pet, what drew someone to their pet, or what the pet was like when the owner first brought them home. "These types of open-ended questions let them tell their story and process the loss."
As TeGrotenhuis put it, "I think it's always appropriate to ask how someone is doing with losing a pet." While people will vary widely on their preferences for being cared for in a time of grief, her golden rule is to "follow the lead of the one who is in need."