How to Tell Hair Stylists, Nail Techs, and More Beauty Pros That You're Just Not That Into It

Updated on 1/23/2020 at 9:10 AM

Picture this: you book a hair appointment, because you've noticed the ends of your hair are splitting and your go-to hair mask just isn't cutting it. You want to maintain your current style — just get rid of the split ends. The hairstylist listens to what you have to say, then suggests you ditch the simple trim for a full hair makeover. Think something along the lines of bangs or a bob. The hairstylist goes on and on about how great it would look and how it would change your style for the better. There's one problem: you don't want any of that. You just want a simple trim! How do you politely deflect the pressure?

Here's another scenario for you to consider. You're getting a manicure. You choose a petal pink shade of nail polish. Once the nail artist starts applying it, you notice that it's too sheer for your liking. You intended to choose a color that was bright and opaque. Can you ask the nail artist to start over? How do you confidently express what you want?

The point is that beauty appointments can be tricky to navigate. Sometimes it's difficult to communicate your wants and needs. Sometimes beauty experts (whether knowingly or unknowingly) pressure you into trying something you're uncomfortable with. "Saying 'no' in life is difficult for many people in any situation," says Dr. Sanam Hafeez, an NYC Neuropsychologist and Columbia University faculty member. "People are often afraid of being perceived as rude or disappointing another person." Luckily, though, there are ways to politely and tactfully assert yourself in even the trickiest of situations.

Problem: Your Hairstylist Wants to Switch Up Your Style, But You Don’t

Your stylist suggests a major hair makeover, but you're not on board. A haircut is a collaboration between you and the stylist, which is why it should never be totally left up to the person who holds the scissors. Here are some common scenarios — and how to respond:

If it's just a suggestion from a hairstylist who means well: "I'll give it some thought, but for right now, I'm just looking to maintain my current hairstyle."
If they want you to go short: "I like short hair, but I prefer to keep my length."
If they want you to get bangs: "I like that idea, but I'd rather keep my hair as it is now, because it's easy for me to style on my own."

Whatever the suggestion, say something that acknowledges their opinion, and then reinforces your own. It will show the hairstylist that you respect their opinion, but you're unwilling to change things up at this particular moment.

Hopefully that's where it ends. If it doesn't, and your hairstylist is still pushing for a major hair makeover, you're going to have to be more assertive. Say something like, "I value your opinion, but I don't think that particular style is right for me, so I'd like to just get a trim (or layers, or whatever you're asking for).

At the end of the day, it's your money and your hair, so don't be afraid to vocalize your opinion. If you never had any opinion about your appearance, you'd be a mannequin.

Problem: Your Stylist Is Doing Your Hair, But You Don’t Like It

Are you going to get your hair styled before an event? We have two words for you: bring pictures. It can be difficult to adequately describe a hairstyle, and if you don't have the words, it's easy to get flustered, unsure, and unassertive. Prevent that from happening by doing some research and providing a stylist with pictures. It will give them a reference point for how you expect your hair to look at the end of the appointment.

If you have provided pictures and the stylist still isn't going in a direction that you're thrilled about, say something along the lines of: "hmm, I was hoping to have more volume," or "I would like it to look looser, natural, and effortless." It's not rude, it's actually helpful to the hairstylist, who wants you to love your hair.

Problem: Your Colorist Wants You to Try a New Hair Color, But You Don’t

This issue, and the solution to it, is similar to the hairstyle one. If a colorist suggests a new color that you don't want, tell them outright. It's better to be direct then it is to hate your hair. Just like before, saying something along the lines of: "I don't think that color suits my style, so I'll stick with [insert desired hair color here]."

Sometimes it's hard to be assertive, because the other person is just so nice. "This color would look amazing on you," they say. Or, "This color was made for you." You don't want to offend them, and you don't want to come off as rude. We get it, but that doesn't mean you have to unhappily accept. Instead, say something like, "thank you so much! Even though I trust you, I'm really set on dyeing my hair [insert desired hair color here]." It's all about acknowledging their opinion, and then reasserting your own.

Problem: You Hate Your Nail Color, But the Manicurist Already Applied It

Here's the thing about manicures: they're not permanent. If you don't like the nail color once it's on, ask for a re-do. Simply say something like, "I expected this color to be brighter, but it looks pretty sheer on my nails. Can I please see a bolder shade?"

According to Sarah Gibson Tuttle, founder of LA nail salon Olive & June, you should never hesitate to ask. "At Olive & June, we want you to absolutely love your manicure. If you're not loving something, say something. No one should be forced to wear the wrong shade for a week or longer! Your manicurist wants you to be so happy with your mani."

Also, if you're not 100 percent sure about a nail color, you don't have to commit right away. "Ask your manicurist to do a quick two coats of each color on your nail," Tuttle tells us. "This way you can see what the color will look like on you and decide what you like best."

There's always the age-old picture trick, too. "The best thing you can do is bring pictures of manis you love — especially when it comes to getting nail art. When you both have a visual, there's much less room for misinterpretation. Don't be afraid to have a conversation with your manicurist beforehand about what colors you're thinking, what nail shape will work best with the design you want, and anything you do and don't like. If you're still not sure, ask your manicurist to do a quick sketch on one nail. This way, they can make any adjustments before starting. It's much better to figure that out in the beginning then after half your nails are complete."

Problem: Your Spray Tan Looks Too Dark or Too Light

There's not a whole lot you can do to adjust a spray tan once it's applied and developed, because it takes a few hours for the tanning ingredient, DHA, to develop on the skin. That's why, for this one, it's all about preventative dialogue between yourself and the spray tan artist. Use words like "sun-kissed," "golden," or "deep bronze," to describe the shade you want. Tell them, "I'd rather it be too light than too dark," or vice versa. This tells them which side of caution to err on. Finally, bring in a visual reference, whether it's a photo of yourself, a spray tanned friend, or a celebrity. It will ensure both of you are on the same page before the spray tan is, well, sprayed.

Also, if you're getting a spray tan before a big event, like your wedding, go in a few weeks earlier for a test. Describe the result you're looking for, see how the color develops on your skin, then adjust accordingly the next time you go in. It prevents you from being disappointed with the result.

Problem: A Salesperson Is Pressuring You to Purchase a New Beauty Product, But You Don’t Want It

"Many in the beauty industry are paid a commission on the products they sell, and others are well intentioned, trying to suggest things that might remedy a problem," says Dr. Hafeez. No matter what the intentions of the salesperson, having a plan in place is paramount to asserting yourself and deflecting pressure. "Before going in, determine in your mind if you want to budget for one item and how much you are willing to spend, or if you absolutely don't want to buy anything." This will make it harder for an expert to sway you, because you have a firm grasp upon what you want and what you don't want.

"If you are going to a makeup counter in a department store, and you are only looking for mascara, state that very clearly," Hafeez advises. "Of course the salesperson might whip out a bronzer and eye shadow to try to upsell you, at which point you can say again, 'I found the mascara I want so I don't want to take any more of your time.' If they decide to keep on applying makeup, it's on them — you were clear about the purchase you intended to make."

Problem: Your Aesthetician Suggests Buying New Skincare Products, But You Don't Want To

We've been in this situation a time or two. We go to get a facial. Halfway through, the aesthetician recommends we incorporate a new product into our routine. Then, the aesthetician mentions that the product in question is available out front. If this is happening to you, and you don't want to purchase the product, Hafeez says there's a tactful approach you can take to deflect any pressure.

"Let's say you're getting a facial, and the aesthetician starts describing each product she's using in detail without you asking. She's probably setting you up to sell you at the end of the appointment and will be ready to walk you to the cashier with a list of every product she has used. If you know you don't want to buy anything, preempt her by saying, 'Wow, these products sound so amazing, it's such bad timing because I just got a $300 gift card from Sephora for my birthday and purchased a ton of skincare products.'"

This should be enough to shut down the sales push. If it doesn't, don't fret, Hafeez has more advice. "If you have a really pushy person, simply 'play along' and take her list of product recommendations and tell her you will be back to purchase when your Sephora supply runs out. Yes, it's a white lie but nobody gets hurt."

Problem: A Makeup Artist Is Applying Your Makeup, But You Don’t Like It

As with any beauty appointment, the best way to assert yourself and protect yourself from your own dissatisfaction is to express your goals and desires clearly at the start. Describe the makeup looks you love, and just as importantly, describe the ones you don't. Bring in a few pictures (hey, even an entire moodboard if you have the time) to provide the artist with a visual reference.

Check in with yourself and the makeup artist throughout the application process (a good trick is to ask the makeup artist to provide you with a hand mirror, so you can check in on your appearance throughout the appointment). That way, if you don't like something, you can ask the makeup artist to change it right away, preventing a complete redo at the end. Simply say something like, "I prefer bold, winged liner instead of smoky, diffused liner. Can we make that change?" Or, "Heavy contour doesn't suit my style. Is it possible to just use blush and a bit of bronzer?"