It's very hard to count all the ridiculous things that happen in San Andreas. Oh wait, no it's not. Don't get me wrong — the mega-earthquake disaster movie starring Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson is a great deal of fun, if you love disaster movies and can suspend your disbelief a lot. Like a lot, a lot. Should you see this weekend's destructathon, you will gasp, fret, rethink your next trip to San Francisco, and probably laugh a little at these hilarious plot points and details, both big and small. Yes, there are spoilers ahead, but these are hilarious spoilers.
1. Scientists figure out how to predict major earthquakes . . . about an hour before the big one hits.
2. One character perfectly tosses a little girl into the arms of someone else just before the first character falls into a huge crack.
3. Kylie Minogue is in this movie for one minute.
4. Johnson's character is the head of LA Fire and Rescue, and yet he leaves LA just after an earthquake rattles the city to fly to San Francisco.
5. No one radios him with a "WTF."
6. Johnson intends to fly a helicopter all the way from LA to San Francisco without refueling.
7. Alexandra Daddario is supposed to be the daughter of Carla Gugino and The Rock. She's 29 and they are both 43.
8. When a huge earthquake rocks LA, it knocks down giant high-rises, yet Pasadena, just 10 miles away, is mostly OK.
9. Someone says, "The whole San Andreas fault line is being activated . . . and it's heading toward San Francisco!"
10. Two British characters, who have just met another character moments before, decide to risk rescuing her from an underground parking garage after a giant earthquake.
11. Someone plugs in a landline phone and it works.
12. Someone remembers a phone number by heart.
13. There's a neighborhood in San Francisco where you can perfectly see the Golden Gate Bridge. This neighborhood does not exist.
14. It's sunny the entire time in San Francisco.
15. There's no sign of the new Bay Bridge expansion that was completed in 2013 . . . which was built to withstand earthquakes after the disaster of 1989's Loma Prieta quake.
16. Two characters parachute into AT&T Park between earthquakes.
17. Ioan Gruffudd goes to the Golden Gate Bridge on foot to better his chances for survival, during frequent aftershocks.
18. Alexandra Daddario's hair remains perfect through all of this.
19. Three characters decide their best bet for survival is through SF's Financial District, inside a half-built high-rise.
20. The Rock drives a speedboat over the crest of a tsunami wave.
21. The same speedboat shatters a brand-new window of high-rise.
22. Kalinda from The Good Wife is in this and gets about three lines.
23. Paul Giamatti never laughs while saying things like, "It will be so big that even though it happens in California, you will feel it on the East Coast."
24. Again, Johnson, as the head of LA Fire and Rescue, only rescues four people during the biggest fake disaster in fake California history.
25. At the end of the movie, someone actually says, "What's next . . . ?" She is talking about her family, not the thousands of people who have died or the cities that have been destroyed.
26. Seriously, it's sunny in San Francisco the whole time.