You've met a guy and he seems great! So great that you want to introduce him to your kids, but somehow, that hasn't happened yet. Why? Well, there's always some sort of "reason" and you're starting to wonder what's going on with this man. Is he afraid to meet your kids? Maybe!
Or perhaps he has met the kids, but he doesn't seem to end up spending any time with them because something seems to "come up." Is he avoiding them? Maybe!
Before you start carving your initials in stone with the new beau, figure out if your new guy is avoiding meeting the kids.
The Sudden Plan Change
He was supposed to meet your kids at the park on Saturday, but his mom called and there's an emergency at her house. He can't possibly ignore his mom and her needs. Or, work called and he has to go in, again, for the fifth time.
If plans abruptly change right before he is set to meet your kids, he may be dodging the introduction. Life gets crazy at times, but a lot of plan changes every time he's set to meet your children is a huge red flag that he's delaying seeing your little ones for the first time.
Not Feeling Well
Is he frequently sick when the kids are with you? Suddenly has to go home or needs to rest? He may be avoiding seeing you when you have your kids — unless, of course, he has a serious illness or disease that is chronic or hard to manage.
Does he frequently say, "Why don't you get a babysitter so we can do X, Y, or Z?"
It sounds like he wants to spend time with you when you can be alone, and not when you have your kids. It's fine to get a babysitter and have alone time, but a man seriously dating a single mother must accept and want to be around her children. If you are dating someone who only wants to see you on your alone time, you ought to get rid of this dud!
Short Duration Visits
Did the baseball game or the movie night suddenly turn into a quick round of ice cream, or did he plan to have dinner and movies with you and your kids and now it's only dinner?
If he's bailing out on plans and keeping his time with your kids brief, it's a warning signal!
Why Is This Happening?
If your man is dodging the kidlets, there are a few reasons for this, and some are nobler than others. The trick is for you to determine if these reasons are workable or dealbreakers:
- Nervous: he may be worried they won't like him or he will do something wrong.
- Afraid of the disciplinary role: he might not be sure of what kind of role he should or shouldn't play when it comes to disciplining your kids, and so he may be avoiding too much time with them out of fear.
- Unsure of his role, part II: he may not really know what kind of role he will play or not play with your kids.
- Attachment: perhaps he's afraid of hurting the kids if you two split.
These are all workable reasons, but it means sitting down with him and talking about his fears and how you see his role in your kids' lives. Entering into a single parent's life, whether you have kids yourself or not, takes time. Blending families can be a joy, but it can also be intimidating. If this man can't get over these fears and insecurities, though, it might be worth talking to someone about him blending into the family (if you two are really serious) or . . . considering ending the relationship. Overall, I think a good man will be able to address his fears and this won't be an issue for you, Single Mom!
- Selfish: he isn't able to share attention and a man like that is worthless to you. Be gone, boy!
- Bad with kids: he may be afraid he won't get the "booty" if he comes around your kids, Single Momma, and you see he's clueless with the littles.
- Doesn't care: he may not care about meeting the kids and is telling you he will meet them to keep you hanging around.
- Dodging commitment: meeting your kids should be a big deal, Single Mommy, so he may be avoiding meeting them because it means you two are becoming serious and he may not really want that, even if you think he does, or you do.
Only you can decide how genuine or not genuine your new man is, and if you think for even a minute that he's not genuine or that he won't be good with the kids, run now, Momma. Don't settle. Being single is not a disease! It's a life choice, or, for some, a current status in life, but it is not a death sentence, and being single can be amazing, fun, and free! Never feel pressured to couple up because you're a single mom. You're better than that!