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Kids Who Wake Up Too Early

19 Thoughts Every Mom of an Early Riser Has Before 7 A.M.

When my son was born, I convinced myself that I was owed a great sleeper. From birth, his older sister seemed to declare an extreme prejudice against the practice of maintaining a state of unconsciousness for any extended period of time (in short, she sucked at sleeping). I could only wrap my head around having a second child by assuming the truth of that old saying "God (or whatever greater power controls doling out those magic babies that sleep through the night from day one) doesn't give you more than you can handle." I definitely couldn't deal with another non-napping, up-all-night crazy kid destroying my R.E.M. cycles. I already had three years of sleep deprivation under my belt. I needed a break . . . and a nap . . . and nine consecutive hours of sleep . . . and to stop dreaming about crying babies. See, I was traumatized.

Luckily for me, my now 21-month-old son is a better sleeper than his sister (who now, at 4 and a half, can still be counted on to make a 3 a.m. appearance more nights than not), but "great"? Not so much. He's taught me that even a kid who sleeps through the night can be exhausting, especially when they think every day should start before the sun comes up. If you have an early riser like me (how I miss the years that I used to sleep until 8 a.m. every. single. day.), here's probably what your morning thought process looks like.

  1. Is that crying I hear? Please, no. Is it dark out or are my eyes still closed? Do not want to open eyes.
  2. If I just let him cry for a few minutes, he'll probably fall back asleep, right? No one could possibly want to be awake this early.
  3. Let's make the husband try to get him back down.
  4. Hubby's not in bed. Maybe he's already getting him so I can sleep? How nice of him. I love my husband.
  5. Wait, is that the garage door I hear closing? S#*@.
  6. Who needs to be at work this early? He must have heard the crying and made a run for it. Grrrr. Do not like husband.
  7. How long can I let the baby cry before he wakes up his sister? Please, God, don't let him wake up his sister.
  8. I think he stopped crying! Hallelujah. Back to sleepy town for me.
  9. Nope, still crying. Wait, now we're screaming. Time to get up before I have two grumpy kids to deal with.
  10. Do I even want to look at the clock? 5:30 a.m.? FML.
  11. How many hours of sleep did I get last night? 10 p.m. to 5:30 a.m., minus 3:15 to 4:00, when his sister was up . . . forget it, too tired to do math.
  12. "Hi, buddy." He sure is cuddly in the morning. Maybe today's the day that if I put him in bed with me, he'll finally fall back asleep.
  13. This is nice. Quiet. Warm. I think his eyes are closed. Must not move.
  14. Is that a tiny finger up my nose. Yep. Now it's in my mouth. Guess we're really up.
  15. Starbucks really need to make a bed-side coffee delivery service. That would be awesome.
  16. If I put on Monsters University for the hundredth time, I'll probably have time to either take a shower or make coffee. Coffee, it is.
  17. How many days in a row can I rock yoga pants and unwashed hair without losing all self respect?
  18. At least one more.
  19. How many hours until I can get back in bed? Hmmm . . . still too tired to do math.
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