Wherever I hop onto the Internet, I see ads and pop-ups calling out "Hot single moms desperate to meet guys" and other unsavory advertorials of the like. And no, it's not that I'm visiting pornographic sites or looking for smut, but simply that according to the world wide web and apparently many heterosexual males, single and divorced moms are a bunch of horny "cat on a tin roof" ladies. We're all just desperately waiting for you men to come find us and take us back to your rooms, hotels, cars, or what have you and do your way with us, right?
And if it's not saucy advertorials that I see, it's general dialogue online and in conversation that suggests to me that people think single and divorced mothers are desperate to not be alone. That we are clinging with our last breath in the hopes that someday our prince will come.
Well, pardon me while I jump off this roof in my sexy dress and high heels but never once when going through the divorce process did I, Laura, an almost-divorced mother of one daughter, think it would be so wonderful to service men of the world and their sexual needs or that I might die if I don't get remarried or find a partner. Oh, sure, don't get me wrong — I'm interested in the idea of partaking in happy sex after having infrequent sex the last year or so of my disintegrating marriage, and it would be nice to snag a good guy to go out with, but I'm not interested in starting afresh only to screw it up by settling or catering to men's random frivolous sexual needs without considering what I want and what is good for my daughter, first and foremost.
And I'd like to think my sisters in single and divorced motherhood land would join me in agreeing that not only are we not desperate for a sexual partner or savior, but we are also dandy without you.
We Already Do It on Our Own
Would it be nice to have someone special to share our life's joys and griefs with? Of course! But see, we're not desperate for you to come and fix our lives or take charge of our homes because we already do that on our own without any help (most of the time) because there is never a fall guy for us. So "Big Guy," pack up your tools. We'll figure it out just fine. And if we can't, that's why we have the Internet and professionals to help us out. Thanks anyway.
If you have a pulse, you have some sort of sexual desire, whether it's low or high. And it's true that after a divorce or perhaps being single for a long time, a lady's needs come a-calling. That's why there's this fabulous invention called a vibrator. A fancy tool that is rather helpful to ladies who are waiting for the right partner to have sex. Even better? Some of these gadgets are waterproof and charge via an outlet. Times have changed since your mother's day.
So oui, mon ami, we would like someone to be intimate with and fall in love, or maybe every now and then, we just want to have a good time for the night. But this doesn't mean that we want you necessarily or that you should try to take advantage of our assumed vulnerable state. We're not vulnerable. We're tough. If you're really interested in getting to know one of "us," you'll be patient and wait.
I for one am tired of the image of the tired and sad single mother. It makes it look like being a single or divorced parent is the saddest lot one could be stricken with. I don't mean to make light of divorce or not having the other parent around to help with child-rearing, but there are many happy single moms and dads out in the world. Life does not end because a marriage ended or someone walked out of one's life. Don't assume we are home crying on Fridays because we're single. Don't assume we hate our lives because we didn't find Prince Charming.
Many of us are happy because we decide our own fate and carve our own life paths without someone to discourage or lead us astray from our goals. And for those of us mommies who are coparenting our kids after divorce, after some time we are delighted to have peace with our ex (if we have it — not everyone does) and be able to have our second chance at happiness in our lives once again.
Save the Drama For Your Own Momma
Maybe you watched too much Jerry Springer, but the majority of us mommies are not running to the courts to request paternity tests or up all night having big blowouts with our exes or baby daddies. We're tax-paying citizens, loving mothers, hard workers, CEOs, stay-at-home moms, lawyers, doctors, teachers, painters, nurses, and then some. We may have been through some tough stages in our lives or even had emotional or dramatic periods, but it's all good now. We've got everything covered.
Our Investment, Our Children
Yes, you guessed it. This is the part when I share that our kids are our priority; however, if we want to keep our kids the priority, we also have to care for ourselves. A smart single or divorced mom does that. We take care of ourselves and keep the captain in shipshape, that way we can manage the rest of the boat. We only do things that are mentally good for us, and therefore, we will end up being parents on top of our A game. No choice is taken lightly, as it could affect our littles, and so keeping our lives happy, healthy, and drama-free is of the utmost importance. If the captain is down, the ship will sink.
Burn the Fable
So what exactly am I trying to say here? Burn the myth that single or divorced moms are desperate for a man or a sexual partner. Burn the myth that we are dramatic, unstable messes. Recognize that when you meet a mom who's been through a divorce or has been a single mom since day one, you're meeting a strong woman who is not to be messed with. We wouldn't let your antics get past us!