It's not easy being a single parent whether you're a single parent from the get-go, from divorce, due to the death of your partner, or for any reason really. And if you want to become "unsingle" and partner up with someone, you find right away that dating is a thousand times more difficult than it was before you had your child.
When people ask if I am dating, I laugh. I admit I knew it would be hard, but I had no idea how truly difficult it would be until I was actually "attempting" to date. So many single moms out there would love to meet a man they can trust and include in their lives as well as their children's, but it's something that takes time. You just cannot have the wrong person intermingling in your children's lives at any cost. Too often, people rush to get into a relationship right after a divorce or breakup with the hopes of giving their children a nuclear family again and because it can be scary to be alone. A new relationship (if it's fun) can distract someone from the pain of the past, but all too often it's a situation in which a person runs from one hell and into another. A stressful or volatile relationship is not good for anyone, but especially a single momma who has to worry about not just herself but also her little lion cubs. This is why I reach out to all the single moms and say forget the serious dating, relationships, and even alone time. Have a fling! Have a gloriously easy and uncomplicated sexy fling this Summer, and here's why:
Flings Don't Require "Mommying"
In my small experience dating, I have found many single men my age to be, well, riddled with issues. Sometimes I have felt more like a mommy than a date. I don't need to take care of a grown man — I have a kid already. A nice, easy fling keeps the relationship duties to fun only and not serious conversations, responsibilities, or stressors.
Wouldn't you rather worry about manhandling his cute abs than helping him do his laundry? Um, yes! Sure, not every guy will be a basket case that you meet, but keeping things light ensures that you never have to play the "tough lady" or "mom" role.
Out on the Town
A good Summer fling means someone takes you out, hot single momma, and treats you to dinner, drinks, and whatever your tired, underappreciated little heart desires. Forget the movie nights in and the deep long talks in bed and stick to day trips, picnics, and love-making sessions in the car or in hotels. Yes, I am telling you to be frivolous, forgo commitment, and keep things emotionally light. Everything else in your life is intense and possibly stressful, and even if you have a nice routine going and feel like single momhood is going along just ducky for you, be honest with yourself: when was the last time you really just indulged yourself? Probably not for a long time. Indulge.
Keeps Kids Out of the Picture
A fling means your kids stay out of the picture, which is great. Do your kids need to meet someone at this moment? Do they need a potential person who might end up leaving? Do you need to go through hoops to make sure the kids and your new partner work? Probably not. Save the serious romances for another time, and instead enjoy the Summer with someone just for you — not for your kids, but just you. Obviously, some single parents have more time than others to enjoy the company of another consenting adult, but keeping kids out of the situation to enjoy some one-on-one adult time can really help make you a happier and more relaxed mommy!
If you've been single for a while, then you have probably already worked through all the emotions and taken inventory on why your last relationship or marriage did not work, but if the breakup or divorce is still fresh, you might be more vulnerable than you think. I tried dating too fast after my ex and I separated, and it wasn't good for me so I took a break. I thought I was ready, but I wasn't. So many of us repeat the same relationship problems and patterns, and so rather than get our hearts entwined in another tricky matter, a fling allows you the company of someone without the potential heartache. Besides, Summer is supposed to be long days and easy nights, not stressful days and tearful nights.
Learn About Yourself
Dating around or enjoying a fling can help you learn what you like. Maybe you had a certain type of partner you responded to before you became a mom, but I am sure you've grown and evolved. That old type may not fit you anymore. Dating and enjoying an easy fling can help you safely learn (without the risk of a broken heart) what you really want or enjoy in a mate.
A new man can mean new responsibilities with expectations. Do you need more expectations and responsibilities in your life? Probably not. A fling requires nothing but mutual respect, attraction, and companionship. You don't have to meet someone's family or kids. You don't have to set aside time for the person constantly. You see the person whenever you both feel like it, and there are no hurt feelings.
That means Friday night can be girls' night, you night, or time with your fling. It's up to you how often you see the person, and there's no pressure if it fizzles out.
Makes You Feel Sexy
I don't know about you ladies, but single motherhood doesn't make me feel sexy! Does motherhood actually, at all? I rest my case. A fling though can put a little pep in your step. Pick a mate who makes you feel good about yourself, showers you with attention, and is fun to be around. Debbie or Dudley Downers need not apply. A fling is the kind of person you can have fun, spontaneous sex with and relish in that womanhood of yours. Really, that's what a fling should be: someone who is fun, appreciative, and easy-going and makes you feel great about you. A messy relationship, even a solid and committed relationship, has its ebbs and flows of romance and splendor. A fling is all fun, 24/7.
It's not easy to get out there and date when you've got bigger fish to fry like running your own household and managing kids and, most likely, one or more jobs, but a nice, casual romance could do your heart some good. You deserve it. Enjoy your Summer right!