If you're the proud parent of a preschooler, then you will understand what it's like to be befuddled by the little things they do. For example, did you ever truly believe 4-year-old girls could form cliques? Or that your preschooler would go to school sharing details about mommy's "magic vibrating wand"? Oh, the preschool years are so precious! And sometimes . . . so dreadfully embarrassing. If you have a preschooler you just can't live without, you will most likely think and relate to all of these things in this list.
Everything Is Poopy. Everything
It doesn't matter what the joke is, the punchline is always poopy. Poopy this and poopy that. You're pretty tired of fecal matters and, in fact, every time you see the poop emoji, you want to vomit. If someone even says a word that starts with "P," you instantly cover your ears thinking, "No, not again!"
Why Are They Wearing That?
If your child wears the most bizarre ensembles and you cannot understand for the life of you why your 4-year-old needs to wear earmuffs in June, you are the proud parent of a preschooler!
Embarrassing Body Comments
Had to love it when my 5-year-old told me that my "breasts were bigger than planet earth." It wasn't worse than when she said the words "vagina, vagina, vagina" to the cashier at Panera! She was just 2 and a half then, and that was the worst. Ever.
Not My Friend? Really?
How in the world do 3- and 4-year-olds really have social hierarchies? If you have a girl preschooler, you know what I mean. The "She's not my friend " or "She said I'm not her friend" nonsense is ridiculously intense for a young age. You'll wonder how you ended up with friends yourself if it was that intense early on.
Please Let That Not Be My Kid
Whenever a classmate's mother talks about a kid who did X, Y, or Z and it was the single most ridiculous thing ever, like shoving a Shopkins up one's nose, you think to yourself, "Please let that not be my kid," because chances are, it was your kid!
Don't Let This End
Preschool years are the cutest years, in my opinion. There's nothing like a toddler or baby, sure, but preschoolers are still so lovable, yet they're smart and forming personalities. It can feel like a never-ending discovery with these little guys because they grow and demonstrate all they're learning so concretely and uniquely. It's a wonderful time to be a parent!
If Frozen Went Away, I Would Be OK
For the moms of little girls, if Frozen went away for a very long time, we would all be grateful. If I never heard "Let it Go" again, I would be a happy woman.
Not Every Object Is a Lightsaber, Kid
If you have stopped to remind your preschooler that no, Mommy's hairdryer/the broom/flashlight/any other object that is within reach of your preschooler is not a lightsaber, you know you're the parent of a preschooler!
And please, duck. That broom is about to hit you!
Welcome to Another Ridiculous Fear, Brought to You by My Preschooler
If your child has a ridiculous fear, like they can't stand lobsters (they are sort of ugly), or finds cracks in the sidewalk appalling (OCD, anyone?), you may think your kid is weird, but chances are he's just a preschooler!
Thanks For the Lack of Gratitude
If you ever sat and thought, "Man, my kid is not grateful. What am I doing wrong?," congratulations! Welcome to the preschool years in which egocentrism reigns and the most important point of view is always, indefinitely, your preschooler's!
Why Is Toilet Paper So Interesting?
It's not just Charmin, parents! Toilet paper is an awe-inspiring toy and meant for play! Yards of toilet paper have been destroyed by preschoolers for centuries. It never ends!