73 Thoughts Every Mom Has on the First Day of School

By Kate Schweitzer
Shutterstock
Shutterstock

It's no surprise that the first day of school is rife with stress — getting your kid out the door and into the classroom is a feat no matter how far in advance you plan. But factor in the emotional turmoil that hits you (even though you swear you won't let it happen) along with the heaping dose of peer pressure to be the best parent at drop-off, and it's one intense morning. Here, just a fraction of the thoughts whirling through every mother's mind.

  1. I can't believe my baby is going to school.
  2. I swear, I was just holding him in my arms, and now he's all grown up!
  3. They always tell you it goes by too fast, but . . .
  4. Why is it quiet?
Harpo
  1. Why isn't he downstairs by now?
  2. I woke him up 20 minutes ago.
  3. There's no way he's still sleeping.
  4. How is he still sleeping?!
  5. Just great — it's the first day, and we're already running late.
  6. Now he can't find his shoes.
  7. They were right next to your backpack!
  8. What? You can't find your backpack?!
  9. It was right next to your baseball cap!
  10. Do not even start to tell me you can't find your baseball cap.
Animal Planet
  1. Put on your shoes.
  2. Fine, pee first.
  3. Did you pee?
  4. Well, then pee already!
  5. No, I won't help you put on your shoes.
  6. Fine.
  7. This kid needs to get the eff out of my house.
  8. No, you can't walk to the bus stop alone.
  9. Yes, I did when I was your age.
  10. I don't care if it's not fair.
  11. Because I said so.
  12. Go ask your father.
  13. Awww, he wants to hold my hand!
  14. I just hope he doesn't miss me too much.
  15. Wow, all these other kids look so put together.
  16. Oh, except for that one.
  17. Thank God for that one.
  18. Crap, everyone does have the Minions backpack.
  19. Maybe he won't notice.
NBC
  1. Sh*t, he noticed.
  2. At least I got all the school supplies on his checklist.
  3. Except the gluten-free crayons! How could I forget the gluten-free crayons?!
  4. I hope he makes friends.
  5. Just not with that kid.
  6. Or that one.
  7. Wait, that one's mom just waved at me like she knows me.
  8. How does she know me?
  9. Do I wave back?
  10. No, pretend you don't see her.
  11. Wait, my kid just waved at her like he knows her.
  12. She's coming right for us!
  13. Oh, no, it's starting to rain, and I didn't pack an umbrella.
  14. Oh, false alarm — I just got triple-sneezed on.
  15. I hope he washes his hands.
  16. Did that mom just finish a first-day-of-school photo shoot?
  17. Should I have documented this moment more?
  18. I didn't print a printable.
  19. Where's my iPhone?
  20. Too late for a mommy-and-me selfie?
  21. I hope he doesn't mind that his lunch is just a sandwich and some carrot sticks.
Warner Bros.
  1. I swear I'll look at Pinterest tonight.
  2. Oh, tonight's actually not a good night.
  3. Tomorrow.
  4. I swear I'll look at Pinterest tomorrow.
  5. When is this bus coming?!
  6. I have a whole day planned!
  7. Kid-free errands don't enjoy themselves, people.
  8. The bus is coming.
  9. Freedom is coming!
  10. Oh, you don't need a hug goodbye?
  11. OK, cool . . . Me either.
  12. Wait, no, don't leave.
  13. I'm not ready.
  14. I beg you, please.
  15. What am I going to do without you?
  16. Errands are meaningless without you!
  17. He's gone.
  18. I hope he has the best day.
  19. I just hope he misses me a little.
20th Century Fox