14 Things People Said While I Was Pregnant That Made Me Laugh

People said the darnedest things to me when I was pregnant with my children, which is ironic because I've never met a more emotionally unstable person than myself while pregnant. What is it about a woman's growing baby bump that makes those around her word-vomit random — and often inappropriate — things? Like most of us, I felt like I got a couple of doozies during my times with a bun in the oven — did anyone ever say any of the following to you?


"Any day now, eh?"

If by any day you mean, "Still three more months to go," then, yes. Any. Day.


"Were you trying?"

In other words, were you having a lot of casual sex because you really wanted a baby or just because you were really horny and didn't understand exactly how babies are made?


"I thought your boobs would be bigger."

The fact is that we don't all have the same perks of pregnancy. But I did get a ton of morning sickness, so yay for me!


"It's just your hormones."

I'm sorry — I didn't know you and my hormones already knew each other . . .


"You don't even look old enough to be pregnant."

Uh, so are you saying I look 11?


"What if your baby is gay?"

You guys, someone really asked me this. I was just trying to get through those nine months without throwing up in public — my child's pending sexuality was the last thing on my mind. (And for the record, I just want my children to experience love, so whatever that means to them works for me.)


"Are you sure you want to wear that?"

Yes, yes, I am sure. In fact, getting dressed is no easy feat with a growing baby bump, so every outfit is totally planned. And even though I was left wondering how horrible I actually looked, there was no chance of me actually changing.


"Your baby is going to be like three pounds."

OK, I know this one was meant to be a compliment, but the last thing a pregnant mama wants to hear is that her baby is going to be underweight. So excuse me while I call my ob–gyn in a panic — and then go cry myself to sleep.


"You should/shouldn't be doing _______."

And you, dear opinionated bystander, should keep your opinions to yourself and should not be telling me what to do.


"You must be having a girl."

This one cracked me up mainly because I had read all the baby books front to back, which means I was well aware of the old wives' tale that suggests that baby girls steal their mother's beauty. So every time someone said I must be having a girl, I grimaced a little.


"Was everything there?"

I can laugh about it now, but this postultrasound question bugged me big time. We had a little scare with my son (who ended up totally fine, by the way), and so when someone jokingly asked if "Everything was there?" I just about lost it.

"How are you going to handle two?"
Flickr user deveion acker

"How are you going to handle two?"

I'm pretty sure I worried about that every day when I was pregnant with my second. So, thank you for bringing up one of my greatest fears.


"You're huge!"

Huge? Really? With all the words to choose from, "huge" is the one you went with?


"You look tired."

That's because I am. Except I kind of thought I was doing a better job at hiding it. So now I'm tired and a tad self-conscious. Awesome.