When you've got multiple kids, and you opt to breastfeed, it becomes an unofficial house rule for the bigger kids that Mommy's boobs are going to be exposed a good deal of the time.
The only problem with that unspoken understanding is that those older kids also don't know how to be discreet.
Sydney, a mom of three and blogger at Strollin' With My Homies, discovered this unfortunate fact following a message from her daughter Sadie's kindergarten teacher. Turns out, according to the teacher, Sadie was "very excited to share her book idea with me during our writers workshop." The book's working title? "How Mommy Feeds the Baby."
In a hilarious Facebook post, Sydney shares her stream-of-consciousness-style reaction to the message:
Me: God dammmiiiitttt please don't let there be a titty. Please don't let it be dad 'nursing' from my teet. Do not blow my cover. "OMG. Did she pull out a boob?"
Teacher: "I will send you the pic. I tried very hard to keep it in."
Me: Receives picture, mind combusts, I stare at [my husband] thinking whuuuuuuuuuuuttt did we do to deserve this kind of treatment from our beloved child, divert attention immediately. "At least it wasn't our 'What Makes a Baby Book.'"
Teacher: "That's her watching and hanging upside down because it's funnier that way."
Me: … JFC.
The next day, Sydney approached her daughter-turned-author and asked her to clarify something peculiar about the depiction of the baby.
"That's actually just a giant tongue attached to a featureless head going to lick 'the bewbs' for milk," she said.
Stephen King, you've met your match.