One of the most jarring tips to come out of Dr. Markham's book is her belief that we should discourage apologies. Rather, she says parents should encourage children to repair the situation instead. "Research indicates that apologies right after a fight, while the apologizer is still angry, don't repair the relationship," she says. "In fact, they create resentment. So I encourage parents to help children work through their upset at the sibling, and calm down. Then, once the child is no longer upset, the parent can observe that some repair work is needed, and support the child in coming up with something to reconnect and make things better with the sibling. That may well include an apology, but it might also include repairing a broken toy, giving a hug, helping rebuild the tower that was knocked down, making a card, or a promise to handle things differently in the future."
