The 13 Stages of Telling People You're Pregnant

Published on 5/10/2016 at 1:27 PM

Whether your pregnancy was planned or not, and no matter how many kids you've had before this go-around, there's a certain art to telling the people in your life that you're expecting. You'll obviously want to share your news with those closest to you first, but then what?!

If you've experienced the awkwardness that is trying to navigate your social life without everyone knowing your news right away, you've been through these 13 stages of telling people that you've got a bun in the oven.

Take a home test and immediately call your partner into the bathroom to freak out over the two pink lines.

After all, he’s half the reason this is happening, he should get to be a part of that initial freak-out with you.

Which is followed by spending hours in the bathroom talking through your shock.

You’ll discuss everything from car seats to nursery decor — and freak out even more when you overwhelm yourselves — and decide how you’re going to surprise everyone else you know with the news.

Figure out a way to tell your family and best friends.

Whether you come up with a cute way to tell them they’re going to be grandparents, uncles, aunties, etc., or call them each as soon as your doctor confirms the news, they’re going to be among the elite first to know.

And swear everyone to secrecy while you figure the rest of your life out.

This is the tricky part of sharing such huge news with people who are undoubtedly going to feel the desire to scream your news off the nearest rooftop — they become drunk with power in a way you can't with alcohol for the next nine months.

Find ways to get out of friend dates for the next few months, or spend many a sober night pretending that you’re “on a cleanse."

It’s amazing how different events involving alcohol are when you have no choice but to be stone-cold sober. Dance at your own risk.

Start wearing your baggiest clothes to work to avoid having to tell anyone about the baby.

Goodbye, tight dresses and pants; hello, stretchy business attire and flowy tops.

Begin cracking little by little as the 12-week mark passes and some of your closer friends start to catch on.

You never pass up sushi and wine night, how long do you really think your friends are going to believe you have a “stomach bug” for?

Think outside the box to come up with creative ways to mask throwing up at work.

It takes effort to hide the fact that you’re pale, miserable, sweaty, and smell like puke basically all the time, but you got this.

Start to avoid the office kitchen because you know that it doesn’t ever get cleaned, which poses a big risk to your secrecy.

Sure, the thing is gross, but no one else is going to get as worked up as you over the smell of that sandwich that’s been in there for three months — it'll basically be a dead giveaway.

After a while you’re not only starting to show but are having trouble keeping track of the people who don't know.

So you plan to post an epic reveal on social media to reach all of the obscure people that will want to know about your impending little one — and to get all the people who are suspicious off your back once and for all.

Tell your co-workers and boss the news to finally settle the ongoing office argument about whether you're chubby or pregnant.

You’ve caught the looks they’ve given in the elevator and the hushed conversations that start up right around the time you’re scarfing down your lunch — they see you every day, and they're not stupid.

Dodge calls from great-aunts you never knew you had and parents of your grade-school friends you haven’t spoken to in 20 years.

Somehow the news of a baby seems to travel the fastest and farthest of any other type of news out there (maybe because it’s the best news).

Celebrate the fact that you can finally live your life as a hormonal pregnant woman with cravings up the wazoo.

FREEDOM!