"I am a member of the club. Nobody wants to be a part of this club. No one speaks of it, but in seconds, just like that, you are a member. I didn't even consider a club like this. I was naïve.
. . . It is different, the loss of a child, from losing any other loved one. I'm not saying the loss of another loved one is not of importance. Just . . . different. Losing a child will always be there. Different days, a different kind of grief.
I am grieving the loss of the future. Things I will never do with her, moments I will never have with her. Qualities I will never discover about her. Holidays spent missing her. The list goes on. Everyone — mainly friends, and relatives who don't understand — keeps telling me I can just get pregnant again and have another baby. But what they will never understand is that I wanted that pregnancy. I wanted that baby. . . .
Don't feel sorry for me, or feel uncomfortable when I talk about my child. Every time
I have the chance to talk about her, yes, it makes me miss her, but I believe I am honoring her just by the mention of her name. Do not be afraid to say her name. I'm not afraid to hear it. I might cry, but they are tears of love and joy that you remembered her.
So the club I was telling you about. It is the 'I lost a child' club. I am a member. I am the one-in-four women who has lost a child during pregnancy or as an infant. Break the silence of my quiet club."
