I'm in My 20s and Mi Mamá Is in Her 40s; Here's How Our Dating Styles Differ
We were having dinner one night when my mom mentioned that a married woman in her 40s is much more desirable to men than a single woman in her 40s. I wouldn't know much about the perplexities of dating in your 40s — other than what I've seen from Sex and the City and what I've heard from my mother — but I would say there's validity to her statement.
In my experience, there are definitely more options when it comes to meeting a single man in your 20s. No longer kids yet not fully adults, the types of bachelors you may find at 20-something abound. There are the ones looking for serious commitments, those interested only in dating, those who just want to slide into your DMs every now and again, and those who are just here to waste your time (these can be fun until they're not).
In your 20s, you have more chances of finding someone who wants to start a family with you and — as cliché as it sounds — grow old together. It's not the same for single women in their 40s. Even though growth does not halt, they've already done their four decades of growing — which sometimes includes a divorce, where a lot of growth comes from.
However, in most Latinx cultures, the pressure is on for the 20-somethings to find a man and get married, because "it's better to be divorced than to be una solterona," even though my mom and I don't let our relationship status dictate who we are or can be. But there is certain status in divorced women.
There are also plenty of great advantages to dating in your 40s. You're generally more confident in yourself emotionally, physically, and financially. You know you don't have to settle for just anyone. Although the men are harder to find, I hear they are generally more mature, more frank, and more emotionally available.
It's the composed, placid approach to dating in your 40s that most draws my attention. At 27, I can't help but think I'm losing more time every day I'm not in a relationship that's going somewhere — maybe because of my heritage and its cultural nuances. But when I look at my mom, I feel that she has all the time in the world. At 47, it seems that with the right person, instead of going nowhere fast, you can happily go somewhere, slowly.