When a sweet-looking woman tells her partner something bad, whether it's sexual or, on occasion, mean, I have heard from my plethora of friends and colleagues that it's incredibly sexy. The whole sugar and spice thing has played out for so many years that when a woman has something spicy to say, her partner listens.
In my experience, I have always been more adept at using verbal foreplay, otherwise known as dirty talk, than my partners have been. Call it the stereotype of the gift of female gab, but giving good dirty talk in the bedroom can instantly up the hotness factor and make a good man or woman turn just bad enough and a bad man or woman so bad you can't let go. Aren't those types of sexual partners the absolute worst? (Yes, deliciously so!) So whether you're an absolute pro or completely tongue tied, I have a few tips to make talking a little bit nasty a whole lot easier and more fun!
For the Tongue Tied
If the idea of saying anything remotely sexual gets you in a panic, try these few tips.
- Keep It Simple: Simply tell your bedmate how excited you are. That's all you need to say. You. Excite. Me. This is enough to make one a little bit aroused, especially coming from a shy babe.
- Whisper: Saying it loud might make you nervous, so whisper that you're a tiny bit wet or, perhaps, that you're wondering if he could help you not be such a good girl tonight.
- Ask: Say you're a bit timid. Could your partner tell you a dirty story? Putting it in the hands of your lover might be all the words needed.
For the S&M Lover
You're either hardcore into the idea of being a dom or sub, or you're more on the mild side — a little Fifty Shades of Grey foreplay is all you like. Either way, if it's got the element of control and power, it's your type of sex. Here are a few commands to give your love verbally for the boss and submissive in you.
- The Boss Lady: Phrases like, "You've been bad," "It's time for your punishment," "Get on your knees," and "You're going to do exactly what I say‚ and now!" are quick and easy phrases to get his tongue — and yours — wagging.
- Yes, Sir: If the idea of being bound and gagged makes you jump over the moon, use these terms to get your master hot and ready for the sweet submissive: "I've been a very bad girl. What are you going to do to me?" or "How do you want me tonight?"
For Those Who Like It Straight and Easy
If you like your sex nice and easy, without any kinky fanfare, you don't need to say much to up the sex factor. Just telling your partner that you want sex, want them, are dying to see them naked, and can't stop thinking about sex, or a very simple "I'm naked right now," is the perfect leeway to introduce a rather enchanted evening or day.
For the Pros
If it's only sex if it's dirty sex, you've got to have confidence and chutzpah (balls) to play off these tactics:
- Play on His Fantasies: Does he or she have a thing for cheerleaders? This is when you mention with a straight face that you've been practicing your cheers and want to show step by step each move in your undies. Whatever your lover's fantasy is, invoke it with words even if you're not the kind of woman to get dressed up and amp it up into role play. If you are that type of woman, dirty talk will come naturally.
- Say What You Want: I don't care if it's so filthy your mom would be ashamed to know you. Say what what you want in slow, clear, vivid detail. If it helps, pretend you are someone else. If it helps more, write it out like it's a fantasy novel before you meet up. Personally, I don't believe in practicing but heck, if it gets the job done, rehearse, rehearse, rehearse!
- Say It During an Unexpected Moment: Are you out at Target? A business luncheon? Perhaps during a big family dinner? Find a place, choose the appropriate vocal tone and volume, and say the most tempting and naughty thing you can think of.
More Helpful Tips
There is always a time for dirty talk. Well, okay, you might want to avoid it at a funeral unless that's your bag of tricks, but:
- A voice text or a naughty voicemail (not on his work phone!) is enough to leave a man or woman wondering and wanting.
- Whispering anything remotely sexual, such as "I really need you right now" or "I want to show you something," is erection inducing.
- If you're too shy to say it, write it. Trust me: him reading what is really on your mind will make him ache in the right spot.
- Narrate: when in doubt, simply narrate what you want him to do to you. Just don't do a play by play — he might start to feel pressured.
- One up him: say something dirty and let him lead. I guarantee he will take it further and once he does, you up the ante to the next level. Let me tell you: that's a hell of a lot of fun!
Dirty talk is one of the best sexual games you can play. Chances are, your partner may be shy too. Don't worry — it's practically impossible to mess up unless you prattle on and don't leave room for silence (those silent times are when your lips can be doing other things) or you invoke his mother or bring up a sobering topic. Trust me, girls . . . you've got this! Have fun and please do tell me later.