Getting married? It's an exciting time and one of the greatest joys in your life. You are about to start a brand-new chapter in your life that is like no other chapter you have experienced before. However, perhaps there are a few things on your mind that you are afraid to say or note to anyone. It's not unusual to have second thoughts before getting married or "jitters," but sometimes, those second thoughts are really our instincts trying to tell us something. That instinct may be trying to say, "Are you sure that marriage is the right thing to do with this particular person? Are you sure that this is a good relationship?"
Just because someone will offer you a ring does not mean that that person is the right person for you for the rest of eternity. Pay attention to your gut and listen: your instinct may be trying to tell you to watch those little red flags that are creeping up in your relationship. The bottom line? Breaking up is a thousand times easier than divorce, my friend. It takes minutes to get a marriage license. A divorce? That could take years.
1. Family Trouble
Is there already family drama? Is his mom or her dad already making your life hell? Do you find your partner-to-be always siding with family or, rather, leaving you to deal with family battles while he or she slinks away, afraid to get involved? If you answered yes, you've got a huge red flag waving right in your face. Those family troubles will not go away once you are married, so if you see these struggles happening already, you ought to ask yourself if you are willing to be married to this family for life. Ask yourself if you are willing to be married to a partner who may never stick up for you for the rest of your days.
Are you ready to deal with this type of drama, say, when you have a child? Think about it.
2. Control Issues
Does your partner need to know every single thing you are doing? Does your partner need to be in charge always? Do you find yourself doing less of what you used to love? Seeing the people you love less? Have your friends noted your partner's aggressive or overly assertive behavior? Have your friends accused you of changing since you met this person?
Has your partner made you particularly reliant on him or her financially or in other ways? Do you feel as if you are in debt to this person?
Be careful. You might have a very controlling partner. Do you really want that? What seems like a controlling partner now could turn into an incredibly abusive and manipulative partner. You could end up feeling trapped. This could be a very destructive relationship.
3. Everything Separate
Do you do everything separate right now? It's nice to have your own autonomy in a relationship, but if you're always going solo now, do you truly want that to be your life when you're old and gray? Do you want to be with someone who never spends time with your or shares your interests?
4. Slight Digs or Explosive Fights
Does your partner make slight digs at you here and there? When you fight, is it explosive or incredibly passive-aggressive? Do your fights dwindle your spirits so much that it feels hard to get back to a good place with each other? And then when you finally feel better, is the relationship hot and heavy again?
No, no, and no! This is not a good or healthy relationship to be in. Many people get addicted, yes addicted, to these hot and cold relationships, but the bottom line is two healthy people fight together constructively and not aggressively or dramatically. Two healthy people tell each other how they feel without attacking the other person. Two healthy people fight in a way that does not hurt or belittle the other person.
If the two of you are at odds about children, don't think that "time" will change that person's mind! If the two of you don't have the same viewpoint on having kids or not, it's a dealbreaker, guaranteed! Give back that ring.
6. Opposites DON'T Attract
If you have a partner who is your complete and utter opposite, be sure that you at the very least respect one another's differing personalities and that at the end of the day, you share the same values. Values, as in:
- you both see the world fairly similarly
- you both have life goals going in the same directions
- you have an understanding of how each other works and needs to exist in the world as a couple and as individuals
- your moral codes are in sync
You can be an extrovert and your partner an introvert, as long as you share common values. Otherwise, the relationship will fall apart after some time.