Love isn't easy, but it's worth it, right? Relationships take work to keep things happy and healthy, and there's no shame in that. Brittney Lindstrom from YourTango shares 15 easy skills that couples can master to keep their love lives positive.
They're not even that hard!
Throughout our lives we will have experienced all different types of relationships. I know many of us have asked ourselves the question "what went wrong" or "why did it end", right? There are so many different reasons as to why things didn't work out with a certain individual or the way things ended with a best friend.
I know, for me, I haven't found an exact reason why any of my relationships didn't work out. Instead of asking myself why things didn't work out, I think focusing on future relationships and things I can do to make it strong and better than the past is more beneficial.
We can't change the past, but we can change our approach to our relationships in the future. Instead of dwelling on what went wrong or the "should have, could have, would have" of past relationships, think about little changes you can make in the future that will strengthen and enhance future relationships.
I think it serves a better purpose rather than dwelling on things we can't change.
Are you ready to find out how some little changes and different approaches to things can make the world of difference in your relationships? They are so simple, you'll ask yourself why you never thought of some of them prior to this article!
Here is the list of secrets for great relationships:
1. They see possibilities where others see challenges.
People are going to doubt your relationship and give you reasons as to why the relationship is bound to fail. Every couple goes through ups and downs and has to overcome challenges
Instead of thinking about that, why not think about the possibilities of the relationship working out and what there is to gain from that? That's what people in happy relationships learn to do.
2. They know when they have nothing to be envious or jealous about.
You and your partner are not in a competition to see who's better at what. Don't play that game. You'll lose every time. Instead, embrace each other's strength and assist with their areas of growth.
3. They're not constrained by tradition.
Celebrate traditions as defined by you both, but leave some room available to create your own traditions together.
4. They know the past is not the present nor future.
Don't allow your past to creep up and make your present and future difficult. Deal with the past and let it rest where it belongs . . . in the past. It's a key strategy that happy couples have mastered.
5. They notice and see the love around them.
Things happen in life that makes us lose focus on the love and joy that surrounds us. Take a few moments each day to recognize that love and joy.
6. They realize that doing nothing is not an option.
If you do nothing instead of addressing things, the relationship will not work. Communicate with each other.
7. They go for what they need for life, in the long-term, and not just today or tomorrow.
We all want instant gratification at some point in our lives. But we need to focus more on what we need for the long-term rather than immediate.
8. They remember and appreciate the little things.
Everyone can remember the big things like getting engaged or the holidays. It's the small things like your partner getting you a puzzle book that you love on a random Sunday morning. Those are the times you should remember and unfortunately are not cherished enough.
9. They know that life is not a fairy tale.
It's just not the reality of life. Life has ups and downs that we have to deal with and at times, it'll be very overwhelming and feel almost impossible to deal with. Remember, the fairy tales are just fiction stories.
10. They stay aware of their emotions and maintain their sense of control.
Don't act based solely on emotion. You may say or do something you will regret later on. Make sure you think things through and maintain your composure.
11. They know that nobody is a mind reader.
You can't read your partner's mind, and your partner can't read yours. Happy, healthy couples know that communication is key.
12. They do not rush into anything.
You have time. Don't rush something you're not 100 percent sure about.
13. They recognize the friendship in their relationship.
Be your partner's best friend and maintain that friendship. It keeps the fire burning within the relationship.
14. They emphasize quality over quantity.
Quality time means putting phones and other electronics or distractions away and being present with your partner. Talk about different things such as life goals, work, possible career moves, and so forth.
There is no quality in watching television for an entire evening while on your cell phone and social media.
15. They oust the people who will try to interfere with their relationship.
Discuss this with your partner before anything even happens so there is a plan of attack set in place for when it happens. It's inevitable. It may be your parents, your partner's parents, an ex, and so forth. Make sure to discuss this early on in the relationship so there's a common understanding of how to deal with it.
There is a consistent theme throughout these little secrets, which is communication.
Communication is the key to making a relationship work and making it last. The things listed above are so simple but they require time. Make the time and you won't regret it. Your relationship will be great if you take these quick little secrets into consideration.
Stop focusing on why it didn't work out with someone in the past. Focus on the now and your future. You can have great relationships if you put your mind to it and remain mindful and open. I guarantee it!
Brittney Lindstrom is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Certified Rehabilitation Counselor.
Check out more great stories from YourTango:
- 5 Things People Simply Don't Do in a Healthy Relationship
- 10 Dos and Don'ts For Healthy Relationship Communication
- 9 Simple (but Beautiful) Traits of Relationships That Last a Lifetime