College is a time to find yourself. And in some cases, you may find yourself walking into your dorm room to discover your college roommate having sex. Living arrangements in college can be awkward, and that includes addressing the etiquette for getting it on when you share a room.
As soon as your roommate starts hanging out with someone, hooking up at the dorms becomes imminent. And the last thing you want to do is walk in on something you don't want to see or hear. You can do the passive-aggressive thing and avoid the conversation altogether, or you can address the subject head-on with a healthy discussion (you're an adult now, you can do this). Here are some tips for coping with a roommate who gets busy in your room:
1. Address the Elephant in the Room
Avoiding this conversation will only make things weirder. Communication is fundamental in relationships, and the college roommate situation is hardly an exclusion. If anything, communication during this living situation is the most crucial, since often you're paired up with someone you don't even know, so they definitely don't know what you're thinking or feeling. If your roommate is having a lot of sex while you're in the room or in some capacity that's making you feel uncomfortable, you should definitely let them know. It's your space, too, and you should feel comfortable there. When you're setting up ground rules in the early weeks of school, you may as well just throw in the sex talk, too.
2. Know Each Other's Schedules
Make sure you and your roommate know each other's classes and activities, so if one were to want to have someone over, they'd know their roommate wouldn't be there. You don't have to be best friends with your roommate, but respecting each other's space and time can allow for the most optimal living situation.
3. Have a Code
Putting a sock on the door to signal you're busy inside has basically been a college staple forever. But if you and your roommate would like to agree on a less stereotypical indicator of a sex session in progress, then come up with another sign, like a number or specific drawing on your door marker board. Even more obvious? A text message: "Hey. We're doing it. Don't come in."
4. Get Noise-Canceling Headphones
If a roommate is getting busy with someone while you're still in the room or you can hear them hooking up in the next room, noise-canceling headphones can be a godsend. They can block out all of the noise you don't want to hear, even if they can't repress the memory.
5. Be Bold
If you've already tried talking to your roommate and they're still not respecting your space, don't be afraid to do things like invite a few friends over to your room or take up a little more space than normal. Pushing back and making them feel a little of the discomfort you're feeling can potentially open their eyes to it and urge them to finally listen to your concerns.
6. Talk to Your RA
If your roommate isn't open to any communication or suggestions, you can always go to your RA. Resident advisers exist for exactly these sorts of things, so even if you simply want to vent about a roommate in some capacity, that's what they're employed for. They'll probably help you come up with a solution you might not have already thought of.