5 Truths I Learned About Myself by Dating on Reality TV

When a casting director for season two of Fox's Love Connection hit me up on Facebook, I figured I had nothing to lose after an unsuccessful 20-minute stint of online dating, awkward coffee dates, endless mind games, and the straw that broke the camel's back: getting stiffed with the bill. The thought of being a contestant on a dating reality television show never crossed my mind, but what better way to reiterate to the universe exactly what I wanted!

A lot of people don't recognize that television production is a business. Ratings, networks, executives, and casting the right folks all matter. Sure, the objective is to entertain, but at the end of the day, if no one is watching, nothing else counts. That being said, some folks are cast as "characters," but I never felt pressure to pretend to be someone I'm not. I never felt the need to embellish or say and do things that aren't characteristic of my personality. Even with cameras and chaperones in tow on the date, it was important to me to be present and fully attentive, because at the end of the day, it was a novel experience that not many people can say they've done. I owed it to myself (and him) to make a genuine effort.

Self-love is the best kind of love, and I've spent many years working to become the woman I am today. I wouldn't compromise that for anyone — not even Denzel. Every day when I look in the mirror, I remind myself that I am enough. Regardless if there had been a love connection or not, I wasn't going to compromise all the work I've done on myself to appease my date, or anyone else. That's the beauty of believing and knowing you are worthy of the best kind of love, especially when the world is watching.

Enter Andy Cohen: the hostess of the matchmaking mostest. Lights are flashing, a million cameras are in your face, and producers are talking a mile a minute. And, oh! Let us not forget the social media commentary! Thing is, I have pretty tough skin, but I'd be lying if I told y'all some aspects of being on the show didn't affect me negatively. I think we can all agree that dating alone, in the privacy of your own space, can be difficult, let alone doing it on TV. Quite honestly, I don't think dating on a reality show gives folks a fair chance of really getting to know someone, especially if you're constantly worried about the dynamics of the show.

OK, we all have a list of qualities that we want in a potential mate, but being on Love Connection taught me that sometimes the things we want in our partner in crime aren't necessarily the things we need at the particular place we are in our lives. It's true I'm a sucker for the tall, dark, and handsome gents, but what about his heart? What about his intent? Is he gracious? Does he love his mother? Ironically enough, I never thought about any of that until the show. What about being present in the moment? What about culture and being able to hold a conversation? These characteristics, and more, are what I need to feed my soul, my daily grind, and most importantly, my heart.