9 Tips For Having Successful First Dates on FaceTime

Take your time getting ready, listen to your predate playlist (if you don't have one, you can borrow mine), and do whatever you'd normally do to pump yourself up for a date. Consider doing something physical to get any jitters out. Dance around your room, stretch, or have a quick meditation and repeat a mantra like "I am enough" a few times.

When getting ready for a date, whether in person or online, the level of effort to apply should have very little to do with the other person and everything to do with looking (and therefore feeling) like your best self. Translating that to online means if you'd normally put on makeup and curl your hair for a date, do it! No need to dress like you're pretending to be in a cocktail bar, but select the kind of outfit you'd love to be wearing when you run into a cute new neighbor, for example. Think cozy sweaters, something off-the-shoulder, or anything with rich fabrics, flattering colors, and clean lines.

The great news about a video chat is that you only have to think above the fold! Whether it's a work conference call or a date, cozy pants are allowed as long as they're not in the shot. So, go ahead and keep your yoga pants and slippers on, but don't mention it to anyone. If the date is going well and the other person admits to wearing sweats, you can, too.

If you arrive on camera and your date has put in seemingly no effort and comments that you got "so ready," that's out of embarrassment. Brush it off like a fly. This person is a stranger and for all they know this is the level of effort you put into walking your dog or getting the mail. The important thing is that you feel your best and, whether the date goes well or poorly, you walk away knowing you're still a catch.

For a first date, whether in-person or virtual, a good rule of thumb is to treat the conversation like you already know the person and you're just jumping back into an already existing discussion. If the chemistry is there, overplanning can sometimes suck that dry, so give yourself permission to just see what happens. Conversation is much more fun when it emerges out of the situation, so ask about things you can see in the background, what your date had for lunch, or what the view from their window is like. If you must, think about a few things you'd like to know about this person and write down topics, not questions.

If this video chat is a second encounter or beyond, you can be a little more intentional about how you spend the time. There are plenty of virtual game options on Houseparty, or you might offer a funny YouTube clip or TikTok video you've seen that day. If you're further along than the fourth date, consider a more intense Q&A like those famous 36 questions to fall in love with anyone, or 20 creative questions for love and finance, by author Mandy Len Catron.

I recently orchestrated a video chat kitchen scene that deserves an Oscar. I answered the call garnishing a gorgeous cocktail, and later, angled him on the counter so he could see the cheese bubbling as I pulled a delicious dinner out of the oven. Casually tossing some red chili flakes and basil across the top, I left him wanting more by saying I'd better run, and he promptly asked for another FaceTime date later in the week.

Not a mixologist or a home chef? Play with your pet, tinker around with a musical instrument, or even work on a puzzle. Handy props like those are also great ways to distract yourself during a technical glitch like video delay and ensure you're ready when the chat begins again.

Much like a real-life date, the logistics of actually setting up the hangout should be the responsibility of whichever party suggested the date in the first place. Once you've received your link to the chat, your only job is to be on time, or maybe a minute late to make 'em sweat. Set yourself up for success by keeping other media like your phone and TV away and designating a spot for this to take place.

The first week into social distancing, I forgot I'd agreed to a FaceTime date and he called while I was watching Tiger King and finishing up some laundry. Frantic, I answered before I paused the show, so the first thing my date heard was the Oklahoma drawl of a deranged zookeeper, and the first things he saw were rolls of painstakingly folded underpants and sports bras. Frazzled, I spent the majority of the date in long rambles trying to recover my cool, and eventually, he said he'd better let me get back to my laundry — which I think is the least alluring way a date has ever ended in my life, or maybe all of history.

Like any good date, your aim is to leave that person feeling like they can't wait to see you again (and you feeling like they did the same). To do this virtually, wrap things up after about 30 minutes or an hour at the very most. Even if it's going well, you don't owe that stranger your entire night, and ideally, it'd be nice to leave some unanswered questions for your next chat. No need to make an excuse — simply say you should probably scoot but you're already looking forward to hearing more about them next time. If it's not a match, a close-out like "Thanks for setting this up" will do. You can always let them down gently if they follow up over text.