7 Habits I Formed That Drastically Improved My Sex Life
Sex hasn't always been a positive experience for me. It was a taboo topic from a young age, and it was definitely a forbidden experience unless I was married. I eventually broke free from those ideas, but the act was still shrouded in self-inflicted guilt and shame. And after being sexually assaulted in my early 20s, I was certain that I must be broken, that sex just didn't work for me like it did for everyone else. But, thankfully, after starting therapy, reading many self-help books, and, well, practicing a lot more, I've finally found the seven habits that have vastly improved my sex life. Keep reading to see how I turned things around for the better.
Masturbate With Intention
It took me a solid 20 years before I realized that masturbation was a thing I could do. I had a lot of catching up to do and wasted no time trying to figure it out. Masturbating allows you to find all of your sweet spots without all the worry about what the other person is thinking or feeling. It's also a lot easier to tell your partner what you like if you know what you like.
Yoga is the perfect tool to feel good in your body, as well as increase flexibility. It's very satisfying when you can wrap one leg over your partner's shoulder while the other remains underneath them. Yoga can be as low-key or as high-intensity as you want it to be, so there are options for everyone.
Practice Using Your Voice
Sex is nonverbal communication. You can definitely use hands and bodies to guide someone to where you want them to go, but it'll save a lot of hassle and turn up the heat if you practice saying exactly what you want, where you want it, how you want it — you get the idea. It can feel awkward at first, but practice makes better, right?
Look in the Mirror and Say, "I Love You"
Go on, do it. I don't care if you don't believe it. If you do it enough, you'll start to believe it. There's no room for negative self-talk in our lives. When you're having sex, you are beautiful. When you are existing in your day-to-day, you are worth it. Look in that mirror every morning and start telling yourself how much you love you.
Keep Sex Unconditional
It's too easy to carry resentments, worries, and daily life struggles into the sack. There are movies made about revenge sex and tit-for-tat sex for a reason. My sex life improved when I gave up any and all expectations beyond enjoying how it feels in my body and connecting with another person on an intimate level (and also having a lot of fun). Keep sex unconditional. It gets too messy if you don't.
What the heck kind of sex advice is breathe? If you're like me, you get lost in your head a lot. "Do I look good? What is he or she thinking? Should I change positions? If I tell them I like it like this, will they think that I think they're incompetent?" Just breathe, baby. Let go of any expectations and worries. Breathe when you aren't having sex. Breathe when you are. You are enough.
Spontaneity can be so fun or a total disaster. But even the disasters carry some hilarious stories (after the fact). Don't be afraid to get frisky in public spaces or venture to a sex club if everyone is comfortable with it. Maybe even break out some handcuffs, blindfolds, hot candle wax, or costumes. For so long I felt that I needed to play it safe to feel like I had some semblance of control over an experience that wasn't always safe for me. Once I let that fear go, my sex life drastically improved.