Satire on Obamacare Repeal
12 Wardrobe Must Haves For Any Post-Obamacare Closet!
On June 17, it became clear that Senator Mitch McConnell wouldn't have the votes needed to pass the GOP's latest attempt at repealing and replacing Obamacare, but one thing is certain: Republican leaders won't stop until they're able to make good on their campaign promise to get rid of the Affordable Care Act.
All this uncertainty can really do a number on our future plans. Should I be hoarding birth control? Will I actually be able to afford to have a baby by the time I'm ready in another year or two? And what should I wear? While we can't answer those first two questions yet (sorry!), we've definitely got you covered on number three. Read on for a dozen must-have items every woman should add to her closet before Obamacare becomes so last season!
- Hospital gown — To help you blend in with patients who have already been admitted because you (and millions more) lost your health coverage.
- LBD (i.e., Little Black Dress) — Look your best when you're laid to rest after dying from a completely treatable illness your health plan isn't required to cover anymore!
- Suit and tie — So you can pass for a dude and sneak into the room for a seat at the table with all the male lawmakers making healthcare decisions for you.
- Canadian tuxedo — To blend in when you flee to Canada for universal coverage.
- DIY trash bag jacket — Because you're too poor from paying higher premiums and deductibles to afford an actual jacket.
- Excellent new lipstick color — To hide the fact that all your teeth have fallen out because you can no longer afford the luxury of a dental plan.
- Stretchy leggings — To safely catch the baby you've delivered while waiting outside the hospital because a $17,000 surcharge for maternal care wasn't part of your birthing plan.
- Medieval chastity belt — To avoid contracting that pesky preexisting condition, rape.
- Weekender bag — To carry as much contraceptive as you could stash before Planned Parenthood was defunded and access to affordable options became basically impossible.
- Urban camo — For sneaking into the underground clinic where you'll be receiving guerilla care from medical practitioners who prioritize your health over their bottom line; don't worry, these should be prevalent considering the entire American Medical Association and some of the biggest insurance companies have come out against the bill.
- Gloves — To hide your nubby, bitten-down fingernails because treatment for anxiety and other basic mental health care isn't covered by your health plan anymore.
- 200 pairs of Yeezys — Just in case you're one of the 0.1 percent of the population who stands to get a six-figure tax credit made possible by the defunding of our nation's healthcare system. You're welcome.
None of these options quite your style? Then save this number on your phone: 1-844-872-0234. It'll connect you straight to your congressional representatives, who you can demand protect your — and your fellow Americans' — health care.
