Once again the Gallery of the Absurd has outdone themselves. In the spirit of the lovers holiday coming up, they have created some celeb Valentines cards. Check out the Paris and Tara cards while I chose my favorite below. Sign on the dotted line may be a real thing for Mr Cruise. It seems that The Scoop reports he has things all planned out for Ms Holmes. He does not want a repeat marriage like the one he had with Nicole so he expects Katie to stay home with the kids. The Scoop reports:

“I’ve got Katie tucked away, so no one will get to us until my child is born — and until I want them to,� Cruise recently told “a friend� according to the new issue of Life & Style Weekly.

What’s more, according to the mag, the friend claims Cruise doesn’t want a repeat of his marriage to Nicole Kidman; the couple had two adopted children and also tended to their careers.

“I said [Katie's] life from now on was going to be about being a mother,� Cruise allegedly said. “I’m not giving her the chance to turn into another Nicole.� Cruise’s rep denies the story.

We knew Tom wanted Katie to be a soccer mom but we hope this story is not true. It actually sounds a bit exaggerated - even for Tom.

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Wednesday:

• Bravo has an all new fabulous Project Runway 2
• ABC has an all new George Lopez, Freddie, Lost and Invasion
• NBC is all new The Biggest Loser: Special Edition and Law and Order
• FOX has an all new American Idol followed by Bones
• CBS has The 48th Annual Grammy Awards
• WB has all new One Tree Hill and a repeat of Beauty and the Geek
• UPN has an all new South Beach and Veronica Mars

TMZ reported that Britney has been under some serious investigated after those photos of her driving with Sean on her lap were shown around the world. They report

Deputy Sheriff Mark Winn went to the Spears home. The official told TMZ Winn made the trip to get contact information for DCFS, so that DCFS "could do their thing."

Britney's rep told TMZ Winn spoke with security - not Spears herself.

As we first reported, DCFS contacted the LA County Sheriff's Department earlier today, inquiring about the incident.

TMZ contacted a DCFS official who would not comment on the matter.

Britney is blaming the paparazzi for having to speed off with her newborn on her lap. However, the agency who owns the photos reported to Access Hollywood that "These pictures were taken in a very peaceful context, in which photographers exhibited no aggressive behavior," the agency said. "We believe that the pictures speak for themselves."

As expected, Mommy Lynne Spears is leaving Kentwood to rush out to Malibu to help Britney
during this terrible PR mess.

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Bad Sign for Joey
Andrea Anders the neighbor and love interest on Joey has signed on to a new CBS show called "The Class." While Joey has not yet been canceled, it is on hiatus and it seems as if Ms Anders doesn't have faith in the NBC show coming back.

Kate Moss made a pit stop in Miami for a photo shot with Bruce Weber. The sexy shots will be seen in an upcoming issue of Men's Vogue. She supposedly ran into fellow rehab addict Colin Farrell. According to an onlooker, "Kate and Colin started chatting. She asked him how he was coping. He said he was getting there."

She sure looks like a fun Mom. Check out Kate relaxing and playing with her Mom and daughter Lila Grace.

More pics than you could possible imagine including pool time and leaving Miami for her next stop so read more

We were psyched to hear that Matt Damon was cast as Lance Armstrong in the movie version of his life. While his Hollywood relationship may be final, his new career seems to have just started. The film already in the works will NOT be a puff piece. We don't care what it is as long as Damon is involved.

In other Lance news, he gets all sappy when talking about Sheryl and their recent break up:

On Armstrong's weekly Sirius satellite radio show Sunday night, Armstrong closed the show with a song from Crow's recent album, Wildflower, and said:

"Obviously, this week was a rough week for us, but that doesn't change the fact that I think Sheryl is an unbelievable lady, one of the smartest, wisest, most gifted people I've ever met and a person that I can honestly say has shown me a love that I never knew. It's only fair that I say that and it's only fair that we play one of her songs tonight and not run from the situation.

I'm torn that it didn't work out but that doesn't matter. Fans of mine are fans of hers and hopefully fans of hers are fans of mine. She's a great lady and it deserves to be that way. So this is my favorite song, which I think we've played before on the show, on her newest record. It's a song called Letter To God."

Evangeline Lilly and Dominic Monaghan are supposedly engaged and now already talking babies. He said:

"My ultimate search has been for a muse. Someone you can bounce ideas off and share artistic dreams with. It feels like I'm on the right track."

The actor, who plays drug addict Charlie in the drama, admitted he wants children with sexy Evangeline. He said: 'We'll see where I'm at the end of 'Lost.' Maybe one or two children of my own, and then what I really hope to do is adopt - perhaps a bunch of them.' The pair are set to meet with World Adoption Agency staff to discuss adopting a child, according to reports.

I hope Dominic realizes he is one lucky guy. She seems like the cutest little laid back beach girl in Hollywood (or shall I say Hawaii). They seem to live a pretty normal life. Check out the pics of them frolicking on the beach and shopping at Safeway. Also be sure to check out Just Jared for the cutest pics of Ms Lilly in Esquire.

To see lots more pics including Evangeline's tabloid of choice, read more

We wrote about Paris having a major enemy named Brian Quintana. He has requested a restraining order again the heiress but apparently the feeling is mutual. AP reports:

Superior Court Commissioner Tim Murphy approved the restraining order after Brian Quintana, 37, testified that Hilton, 24, shoved him on at least three occasions and badmouthed him.

Quintana testified that he met Hilton a few years ago on the Hollywood party circuit and they had a social relationship. He said that he became friends with Stavros Niarchos III in September 2004, introduced him to Hilton and the two started dating.

Quintana said his relationship with Hilton soured after she interrupted a conversation in which Quintana was urging Niarchos to reconsider dating her. Quintana filed a police report and a request for a restraining order Dec. 29.

This is apparently the duo in happier times. The weird thing is this guy still has this lovely photo of this woman he hates on his site. Makes me wonder if he is just looking for a little press which would make him just as bad as her.

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Star reports it was another woman that got in between the 11 year marriage of Heather & Richie. Rumors have been flying that the rock star was a cheater while away from his wife. In addition to the not always so reliable Star, People is even reporting another woman was involved. People reports:

Heather Locklear and Richie Sambora were working through a rough patch in their marriage, due mostly to the strife of two busy careers. Then, sources say, a suggestive e-mail sent to Sambora by an acquaintance of the couple became a final straw in Locklear's decision to seek a divorce, PEOPLE reports in its upcoming issue.

Locklear found the e-mail, which contained "provocative pictures" of the female, a close friend of the pair tells PEOPLE. Though the woman had long been "a sore subject," says the source, Locklear never thought she and Sambora had actually been "romantic."

Whatever conclusions Locklear has now drawn from the photos, they were, her friend believes, the deciding factor. "She's devastated," says the friend. "Absolutely devastated."

That's so wrong but for some reason I am not shocked. The way that things are going down so far, it is already being considered one of the ugliest breakups in Hollywood history. Interestingly, good friends Denise Richards and Charlie are also getting nasty. Something seems to be in the water in Hollywood these days - you either end up pregnant or battling your significant other.

Source: Popbytes

Karl must be cranky these days. First he dissed Princess Di and now he is laughing at Lindsay Lohan. IMDB reports:

Chanel designer Karl Lagerfeld has laughed off singer/actress Lindsay Lohan's claims she will front the fashion house's next advertising campaign, insisting she is too immature. In December the Mean Girls star boasted she had won a lucrative contract with the fashion giant, following supermodel Kate Moss' dismissal over allegations of drug abuse. But chief designer Lagerfield insists the label needs more sophisticated icons, such as film star Nicole Kidman - who advertises signature scent Chanel Number 5. The 67-year-old tells New York magazine, "I prefer Nicole Kidman and that generation."

We remember thinking what a lucky girl LL was for being chosen as the new Chanel girl - turns out she was not so lucky after all. Still she does has every hot MJ bag. Check her out at the Marc Jacobs show for fashion week in NYC.

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