8 Adult Jokes in The Santa Clause That Went Straight Over Your Head as a Kid

Updated on 12/17/2016 at 1:00 PM

The Santa Clause is a classic childhood Christmas movie. It perfectly captured our idea of what the North Pole would look like, it spurred the amazing thought that your own dad could actually become Santa, and the messages about what's really important in life hit you right in the gut. But since it's one of favorites to re-watch every year, we continue to pick up on more jokes every time we tune in. The kid humor is obvious and adorable (the North Pole has a "Ball Room" of actual bouncing balls), but the adult humor is very, well, adult. Between Scott Calvin's — er, Santa Claus's — bitter divorce from ex-wife Laura to his resentment at her new husband Neil, the writers definitely squeezed in a few things for our parents to pick up on. Keep reading to see the best (but maybe kinda worst?) ones below.

When Scott Jokes About His Heavy Drug Use in His Youth

When Scott grabs Santa's bag, he's immediately lifted up in the air to go down the chimney. After Charlie adorably says, "Whoa! You're flying!," Scott replies, "It’s okay, I’m used to it. I lived through the ’60s!" This, of course, implies that Scott did quite a few drugs back in his younger years.

When He's Sarcastic About His and Charlie's Christmas Eve Activities

When Scott, Laura, and Neil are brought into the principal's office at Charlie's school to discuss his belief that his dad is Santa Claus, Scott is asked about the last thing he and Charlie did together before they went to bed on Christmas Eve. His response? "We shared a bowl of sugar, did some shots of brown liquor, played with my shot guns, field-dressed a cat, looked for women." He then reassures them they they just read a book, and when they ask him which one, he says, "Uh, Hollywood Wives," referencing the racy Jackie Collins novel from the 1980s.

When He Stands Up For His Son's Imagination

Scott and Laura spend much of the movie bickering, and Scott makes sure to get a good jab in when he finds out that Neil told Charlie that Santa was more like a state of mind than an actual person. "Who gave you permission to tell Charlie there was no Santa Claus?" he says. "I think if we're going to destroy our son's illusions, I should be a part of it!" While they walk the fine line of saying there's no Santa in the beginning of the movie, this adult argument is a bit sarcastic for us as kids.

When He Makes a Perverted Joke in Front of His Son

When Laura drops Charlie off at Scott's house for Christmas Eve, she leaves Neil's mother's number just in case of emergencies. "1-800-SPANK-ME?" Scott asks while looking at the piece of paper. "I know that number." Uhhh . . .

When He Says Santa Is on a Diet

When Scott delivers some of his first presents after the other Santa falls off his roof, he encounters a little girl that falls asleep on the couch in hopes of seeing him. When she asks him why he's not fat, he aggressively responds, "Because Santa is watching his saturated fats!" I don't know about you, but I had no idea what the hell saturated fats were when I was a kid.

When He Brings Up His Bitter Divorce to Bernard

When Scott and Charlie arrive back at the North Pole after they finish delivering presents, Scott still can't accept reality and tries to defend himself against the other Santa falling off the roof. "Hey, I know where this is going," he tells Bernard the Elf. "The other guy fell; it was an accident. I've got homeowners' insurance, and a good attorney — not as good as my wife's, but lets not open up that wound!" While most kids probably had no idea what this meant, a few parents definitely did.

When Scott Demeans Neil's Profession to Charlie

After Charlie tells his dad that Neil, a psychiatrist, listens to him, Scott bites back, "Yeah, then he charges you for it."

. . . And Also Makes Fun of Neil's Entire Family

When Laura drops Charlie off at Scott's for Christmas Eve, she tells him that she and Neil are spending their holiday with Neil's family. Scott's response? "Ah, Christmas at the pound!" He then howls like a wolf and hisses and meows like a cat. Damn, Scott. Calling a family a group of animals is pretty harsh for a little kid to process.