I'm Sorry, but These 9 Things From the Game of Thrones Finale Just Don't Make Sense

Plenty of Game of Thrones spoilers are lurking below, FYI.

Game of Thrones is over, y'all. After eight long seasons of blood, nudity, dragon fire, ice zombies, and somehow zero elephants, HBO's fantasy epic wrapped up on Sunday night with a finale full of plot holes. Am I surprised? No! Season eight hasn't exactly been a cake walk for fans who like it when things make sense and characters don't suddenly abandon their entire personalities for the sole purpose of moving the story forward in some lazy way. (Before you ask, no, I promise I'm not the person who started that petition.) So, because this is the last time I'll ever get to do it, I'm breaking down all the things that frustrated the hell out of me while watching the Game of Thrones series finale, ahead.

01
Why Is Daenerys Targaryen's Death So Damn LAME?
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Why Is Daenerys Targaryen's Death So Damn LAME?

Let's start with the most frustrating death that's aired on this show in a long time, shall we? Because no, Dany is not one of the people who make it out of Game of Thrones alive. In the aftermath of her fiery reign of terror in King's Landing, Daenerys orders her men to kill all the remaining Lannister soldiers in the city, regardless of if they've surrendered or not. While Jon and Tyrion oppose this tyrannical course of action, Grey Worm eagerly carries out her orders. Dany later makes a speech boasting about how she's freed the people of King's Landing and now intends to free those imprisoned throughout the rest of the world. And then, because all bets are off, she tosses Tyrion in prison for treason (for trying to help Jaime and Cersei escape).

Alone and free to enjoy the spoils of war, she retreats to her throne room to privately bask in her power. When Jon arrives not long after, she marvels out loud to him about the Iron Throne's size and history. He cuts straight to the point, however, shouting, "Have you been down there? Have you seen? Little children, burned!" Daenerys is unmoved. "I tried to make peace with Cersei. She tried to use their innocence against me. She thought it would cripple me," she coldly explains. "We can't hide behind small mercies. The world we need won't be built by men loyal to the world we have . . . It's not easy to see something that's never been before. A good world."

Jon asks her how she knows the world she's creating will be a good one, and she replies that it's because she knows "what is good," and so does he: "We break the wheel together." Jon, near tears at this point, pulls Daenerys in for a passionate kiss after declaring, "You are my queen, now and always." And then, like any good boyfriend, he stabs her in the gut and weeps over her body.

Needless to say, it's an extremely disappointing end to Daenerys Targaryen. The fact that Dany, one of the show's few female characters (and also one of its most badass characters in general), goes out in such a lame, anticlimactic fashion at the hands of a man (who claimed to love her, on top of it) is such a dumbfounding waste of an arc. We were deprived of a tense, ice-cold exchange between Daenerys and Cersei in the midst of battle in the penultimate episode (something the show has been building toward). And now we've been denied seeing Daenerys get the kind of death a character of her magnitude deserves — something intense, meaningful, and worthy of the power she's commanded for eight seasons. Instead, she literally goes out with a whimper.

02
How Does Tyrion Immediately Know About Daenerys's Plans to Take Over the World?
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How Does Tyrion Immediately Know About Daenerys's Plans to Take Over the World?

Before Jon kills her, Daenerys gives a big, rousing speech to her troops about how thankful she is that they helped her take King's Landing and how she doesn't plan on them stopping anytime soon. No, the Dragon Queen has her sights set on breaking the chains of the rest of Westeros, imploring her army to "break the wheel" with her. This, to Tyrion and anyone else with a rational brain, is basically code for "I now know I'm powerful enough to take over the world by any means necessary, so what are we waiting for, y'all?! Let's get to murdering!" (Or something along those lines.)

But, wait a second — how does Tyrion know that's what Daenerys says when she's making her speech on that staircase? He's standing right next to her, sure, but she's not speaking the Common Tongue. Instead, she addresses her troops in the Valyrian and Dothraki tongues. The last time we checked, Tyrion doesn't speak either of those languages even close to fluently, if at all. (Remember the trouble he has conversing with the Unsullied guard outside of Jaime's tent?) Missandei obviously isn't around to translate anymore. So, I guess we can just add this to the never-ending list of Game of Thrones season eight plot holes.

03
Why Is Bran Crowned King? Out of EVERYONE in Westeros?!
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Why Is Bran Crowned King? Out of EVERYONE in Westeros?!

Oh my god, you guys. Bran as king? BRAN AS KING?! When I realized that he was the one Tyrion wanted to rule the Seven Kingdoms (er, Six Kingdoms, since the North is gonezo) during that big speech in the dragonpit, I started scanning my living room for Ashton Kutcher in a Punk'd trucker hat.

"Who has a better story than Bran the Broken? He is our memory. He is the keeper of all our stories," Tyrion says during his campaign speech for Bran. "Wars, weddings, births, massacres, famines, triumphs, our defeats, our past. Who better to lead us into the future?"

Oh, I don't know, how about . . . Sansa? Gendry? Brienne? Arya? Davos? Truly anyone. Sure, all might have rejected the title, but it's insane to me that anyone could agree that the creepy guy who hasn't spoken a full sentence for multiple seasons now, has zero people skills, and has no interest in ruling would be the best choice for king. I don't care what Tyrion says about the monarchy being "the wheel our queen wanted to break" — Bran shouldn't have even made the shortlist.

04
Wait — Does This Mean Bran Always Knew He Would Be King?
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Wait — Does This Mean Bran Always Knew He Would Be King?

When Tyrion asks Bran if he'll wear the crown and lead the Seven Kingdoms to the best of his abilities, Bran cryptically answers, "Why do you think I came all this way?" So, you're telling me that Bran always knew that he would be king? How long has he known he'd be king? Has he withheld pertinent information along the way that might've helped save lives, or change the course of things, all so that he would eventually end up as the new king of Westeros?

In all likelihood, the answer is "no," since Bran doesn't exactly seem like the murderous, power-hungry type. But who really knows?! Now that he's the Three-Eyed Raven, his normal human personality has been wiped clean, leaving a sentient crystal ball wrapped in a big fur coat in its place. All I have to say about his character is: ugh.

05
Why Is Everyone So Chill With the North Becoming Its Own Kingdom?
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Why Is Everyone So Chill With the North Becoming Its Own Kingdom?

Once Bran is crowned king during the tribunal to decide what the hell they should all do now, Sansa turns to her now-royal brother and says that the North is going to secede from the Seven (Six?) Kingdoms to be its own kingdom. "The North will remain an independent kingdom as it was for thousands of years," she declares. Everyone there is like, "Sure, seems cool," and they immediately move on.

Wouldn't the Prince of Dorne, who's sitting just to the left of Sansa, have a bone to pick about this? Dorne has always been historically freer than the North; Dorne was the last of the Seven Kingdoms captured by almost 100 years. Aegon the Conquerer never managed to succeed in conquering Dorne, and the territory remained free until Prince Aemon's campaign to bring it into the Seven Kingdoms played out. But sure, fine, stay a part of the Seven Kingdoms, Dorne. See if I care!

06
What Is Up With Grey Worm's Decision-Making Skills?
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What Is Up With Grey Worm's Decision-Making Skills?

Daenerys makes Grey Worm her Master of War after their siege on King's Landing at the very start of the finale, and almost immediately after, she's murdered by Jon Snow. Well, lucky for Daenerys, there's someone still very much committed to upholding her legacy: Grey Worm. The Unsullied warrior kills all remaining Lannister soldiers on sight despite their surrender and imprisons Tyrion and Jon without a second thought (and passionately argues for Jon's death).

But, wait a second — if he is so dead-set on killing Jon for what he did to Daenerys, why would he ever be OK with Tyrion's "compromise" of sending Jon to the Wall? He does a complete 180 from wanting to execute both traitors — Jon and Tyrion — to willingly going along with the plan to elevate one of them to Hand of the King, allowing the other to go free, and then voting to allow one of the traitors' brother to become king.

I understand that Grey Worm doesn't have a lot of power in deciding either of their fates, but it seems odd how easily he capitulates to the council's decree. Perhaps, like seemingly everything else in this season, we're just supposed to assume that his complaints were made off screen.

07
Why Would the Dothraki Have Even Followed Grey Worm and the Unsullied?
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Why Would the Dothraki Have Even Followed Grey Worm and the Unsullied?

Yes, I have another Grey Worm nit to pick: why do the Dothraki follow him and the Unsullied army on their voyage to the Isle of Naath? Like . . . what is the plan here? Do they all answer to Grey Worm now? Is he their unofficial king since the troops refused to bend the knee to King Bran? It seems weird that Grey Worm would allow a band of fighters as unpredictable as the Dothraki to mix with the Unsullied. It also seems weird that the Dothraki wouldn't choose to immediately dip and go back to their desert home of Essos to live freely and on their own terms.

08
Why Does Arya Decide to Sail Off to Nowhere?
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Why Does Arya Decide to Sail Off to Nowhere?

Nothing in Arya's past has ever hinted at her being stricken with wanderlust — it's always been about seeking vengeance against those who wronged her family. Why then, now that things have been settled, would Arya choose to abandon the only family she has left to sail into the sunset?

"I'm not going back north," she tells her siblings before Jon is banished back to the Wall. "What's west of Westeros? That's where all the maps stop. That's where I'm going." I guess with all the constant backstabbing, poisonings, battling ice zombies, and dying from dragon fire going on of late, no one bothered to sail west.

I know that this isn't the first time Arya has mentioned her curiosity about what's out west, since she chats with Lady Crane about it in season six. But even still, it's surprising that Arya would risk never seeing Sansa, Bran, or Jon again.

09
Why Is Ser Bronn on the Small Council?
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Why Is Ser Bronn on the Small Council?

As much as I've always loved Bronn's sassy quips, he's never had more than a couple of bucks in his pocket. Why, oh why, would Tyrion decide to make him Master of Coin? Bronn has commanded troops and fought wars — wouldn't it have made a hell of a lot more sense to make him Master of War?! Adding on to that is his untrustworthy nature, and the fact that he was thisclose to killing Tyrion for a few chests full of gold at the start of the season. If Tyrion had any sense, he would've allowed him to be Lord of Highgarden and interacted with him in a purely social sense since he has no qualifications whatsoever to be on the small council.