Sex. Yep. If that word looked like a foreign phrase, perhaps you need to pull up a seat (or a bed, whatever your partner would prefer wink) and read this article. Having a sex life after kids (yes, that's important!) can be a difficult task especially when children are young, but figuring out a way to have an intimate life with the person you married is crucial if you want to keep having an intimate partner! Otherwise, you might as well live it up Golden Girls style, as my friend tells me, and live with your BFF's! Here are a few signs that gulp: it's been a long time since you and your main squeeze have had "relations."
Grooming Has Gone by the Complete Wayside
What's a razor? If you find yourself asking this question (unless you've always been one to "let her grow") and have basically skipped wearing anything beyond yoga pants in a few weeks, months or egads — years — then it may be time you had intercourse with that better half of yours.
Worse? If you find yourself constantly rocking those postlabor panties (admittedly, they're super comfortable) of yours, you may want to remind yourself that they were indeed really meant to hold large Barbie Corvette-sized maxi pads rather than bring on "making babies themselves" and that maybe you need to wear something a little less grandma and a little more "Godd*mn, woman!"
Date Night Has Become Extinct – Completely
First you tried to keep date night alive and then when you found it hard and saw your husband never tried, you got lazier. Then you found yourself envious of all your other friend's social media posts about "Date night" or "Anniversary dinner" or "Couples' weekend" until finally, you stopped caring because it has been that long like, B.K. (that's Before Kids) since you and your partner stepped out! If it's been that long since you two had alone time, when was the last time you two got naked together, eh? Probably too long.
Your Kids Would Freak if You Kissed or Hugged
It's probably time for you two to have "sexy time" if your kids would gasp if the two of you hugged or kissed. Now I know not everyone is affectionate but if it's become simply a friendship, it can show. If the idea of the two of you grazing elbows is shocking, ask yourself: "When was the last time we had sex?"
If you can't remember the last time you had sex, the last time you wanted sex, the way your partner's "appearance" looks naked, what you look like naked, whether you were awake or asleep that last time you had sex, if you've had the bed free of kids to have sex, or when the last time you made out with your partner it's dead certain that: it's been WAY TOO LONG . . . since you've had sex!
Everyone Looks Sexy
If even your 70-year-old neighbor or the grocery-baggage boy at the grocery store looks somewhat appealing, it's been a long time since you've had any romance in your life OR you're in your mid-30s but most likely a combination of no sex plus mid-30s hormones that your mother forgot to tell you about.
If a Hallmark commercial or a single budding flower or a Journey song on the radio makes you teary and long for the days someone loved you, remember: someone does still love you! You two have just forgotten how to invest the necessary time into each other to feel that love.
Why You Should Break the Bad Cycle and Have Sex Tonight
You may think, well, if it's been that long, why not keep at it? It seems so difficult to talk about "not having sex" and to start up again that I wonder how will we ever break the cycle? We might as well give up!
No, no, no!
Here are a few quick reasons why you need to reconnect physically:
- The longer you wait, the harder it is to get back in the saddle
- Don't leave your cowboy or girl waiting lest they find another horse to ride off into the sunset with
- It's fun
- You'll sleep better
- It reminds you why you two fell in love
- Solidifies the nature and intimacy of your marriage and makes you both feel wanted
- Relieve stress and tension in a way that doesn't require a gym membership, health insurance, or yoga pants (or heck, any pants!)
Having kids can make having sex difficult at times but you can sleep when you're gone from the earth. Have fun with your partner today! Besides, it's good stress relief and around the holidays. . . . What mom couldn't use that?