Dear Family, After Losing Our Baby, I'm Ready to Celebrate the Heck Out of This Mother's Day

Dear family,

As you know, a lot has happened since last Mother's Day. We went through it together — losing our baby late in pregnancy, nights spent crying and asking why, then enduring a grueling cycle of IVF in the hopes of adding to our brood. Oh, and that time I fell and wound up in the hospital!

There were good times, too. In all of those moments, weren't we so grateful we made it through the bad times this year served up? It's hard to believe another Mother's Day is already here, and I can't help but feel gratitude that I made it here, with you by my side. I'm so happy we are getting ready to welcome a new baby just weeks after my big day. All I want to do is celebrate the ever-loving heck out of how far we've come and how I still get to wake up each day and be your mom.

There was a time when I didn't want to wake up, right after we said goodbye to our little girl. There was a time I didn't think I'd want to celebrate anything or anyone, especially myself, ever again. Not that I don't still hold onto guilt and sadness over our loss, but enough time has passed and I am ready to start finding the joy in life again. When people tell me how strong I am or that I'm a good mother, I am able to say "thank you" instead of denying it. I'm ready to believe that, just maybe, good things can happen again, that I will soon hold a new life in my arms. And after so many months avoiding being a part of any celebratory occasion, I actually want to be spoiled and taken care of this Mother's Day.

I don't care about gifts. Although, kids, homemade cards are always welcome! But, listen up, hubby: I'm thinking a spa day, then a yummy meal out with so much dessert, because, well, I'm pregnant. I'd love to spend time outside, too. And don't forget to tell me how much you love me and what a great mom I am — say it a lot! But just be there for me, if I seem a little sad; it's not like I want to spend this Mother's Day without one of my children.

Of course, I'm not the only mama who is facing Mother's Day after having the kind of year no one would ever ask for. If there's one thing I've learned in the wake of my loss, it's that so many of us face injury, depression, anxiety, stress, and so many other types of pain. All moms deserve the best — moms who are exhausted from putting themselves last, getting no sleep, wiping butts all day, spending countless hours driving kids to every activity on earth, always feeling like they're doing their best, but still coming up short. No matter what this year has been like, on Mother's Day, we should all be celebrated in the way we want. We all deserve to wake up and say, "I'm a good mom," and then turn to you, our families, and ask, "Now, how are you going to celebrate me?"

So, family, what's the plan?

Sincerely,
A mom who has been through a storm but is determined to look forward