David Beckham appeared on Jimmy Kimmel Live last night, and to absolutely no one's surprise, he charmed the crowd with his hilarious anecdotes about parenthood and life now that his pro soccer career has ended. "To be honest, I've become a taxi driver overnight. I'm literally an Uber driver now," Beckham told Kimmel. "I take them from 7 in the morning — I have four drop-offs at four different schools, so I get that done in an hour and 15 minutes. . . . To be honest, it's great. I've been playing football for the last 22 years. I'm not always with the family, of course, so it's nice to be at home and spend time with them, and . . . be a taxi driver."
Beckham also added that 3-year-old Harper had some criticism for his physique in the bathtub recently, telling him, "Daddy, I love you so much, but I don't like you. . . . You're so chubby!" To which Kimmel asked, "Does chubby mean perfect over in England?" Got us there!