This is my first Valentine's Day as a divorced lady, and sure, I could be sad and shed tears over my failed marriage, but instead, I'm embracing a new perspective. Instead of viewing my marriage as a failure, I'm viewing it as a triumph that I tried everything in my power to make it work and, when it didn't, that I bravely and kindly shook hands with my ex-husband to part as friends. Valentine's Day is not different. I won't sob into my Godiva truffles this year. Nope. This broad is going to eat every chocolate and smile. Why? Well, here are three reasons you should be happy you're divorced on Valentine's Day. Go grab those dark chocolate truffles, and keep reading!
No More Disappointment
Maybe I am the only divorced woman who, when married, was unhappily trying to fix her broken marriage with any amount of metaphorical "glue or tape," but on this day of love, I won't be fixing anything. It's done. There are no more thwarted attempts to please each other, no more late-night discussions, and no more questions of how do we make this work?
The disappointment is over, and in that space, a new energy and life can be found. My ex and I can work on being co-parents and friends if we choose to be (I prefer to be friends!), rather than disappointing each other day in and day out.
Divorced Single Mommy, did you ever look at other married couples or see your female friends' posts on Valentine's Day about how amazing their relationships or marriages are and feel two inches tall?
Not anymore. Sure, you might not have found your Mr. Right Number Two yet, but you don't have to feel envy anymore. You're not lacking anything. Instead of being in an unhappy marriage, you can be happy all on your own. And besides, you now know better: some of those "happy posts" your friends might be posting may just be skimming the surface of problems underneath. Since I have separated from my husband, people have started to come to me confessing their tales of marital woe, which makes me sad to hear — but happy to be a friend and ear to my silently suffering friends. You have fought for your new life, and while it is hard at times and painful, there is happiness knowing you have the world as your oyster again.
Does He Really Love Me?
How many times did I wonder if my ex-husband really loved me? Oh, about 50 million. I waited to see proof. And instead of proof of love, I got proof of a co-parentship . . . sometimes friendship . . . and love in the way that we are linked for life with our daughter, but not love, love. Not the great big love I want.
Now I don't have to ask myself anymore. I know the answer, and it's OK. I wish him well and will always care and love for him, but I'm ready to journey high and low (but never settle my standards) for that great big love. One Valentine's Day, I will have a love worth talking about — and it won't matter if he comes home with truffles or Champagne.
OK — I'm lying. It will matter, and it better be both. Wink.
I never have to worry about my daughter catching my ex and I fighting. I don't have to worry if she heard us heatedly discussing or arguing last night.
What does she see now? Two parents who are both utterly obsessed with her and are utterly committed to working together and putting her first on all fronts. She sees two adults who can go to a family party together and plan her birthday bash as a duo. She sees a healthy adult relationship rather than an unhealthy marriage.
As a divorced mama, you now get another chance to show your kids what a romantic relationship should be like. You get to start at "GO" again.
If you found yourself wondering, Single Mommy, while you were married, if your partner was the right one, and if not, who was out there for you, now you get to find out! I know the Internet is full of freak shows, perverts, and liars, but the Internet and world are also full of wonderful people. My ex was not wonderful for me, but he is wonderful, indeed. Right now, as you read this, someone amazing is running in the park, holding a meeting, painting a picture, throwing down weights, or making some dinner, and that amazing someone is waiting for you.
Since you're divorced — you get to go find him. It's up to you: if you decide to settle with someone who's not quite right just to not be alone, you'll never find him . . . but if you're patient, the right one is around the corner, waiting for you to find him.
Don't give up. Believe. And love, love, love yourself! You're making it through — even if only by a thread of sanity!