I admit that sometimes I write my blog posts for selfish reasons. And today is one of those days. One of those days where I needed to convince myself that everything would be okay in the end.
Nothing too out of the ordinary happened today. Just life. Normal things. But for some reason, it just felt overwhelming today. It just seemed like SO MUCH.
Somehow I ended up with pink eye two weeks after both kids had it.
Both of the kids cried the entire way home from the sitter. And not just whimpers — ear piercing crying. The "I'm beyond being calmed down" cry.
Henry, my three year old, had a temper tantrum in the front yard as soon as I got him out of the car. I was attempting to get to the door while carrying the baby, diaper bag, my purse, and my work laptop while walking up our cobble stone path in high heels. That is a job in itself. But then I also had a tiny human laying in the grass kicking and screaming words that I could not make out. I think I heard something about me being a bad mommy.
So you know what I did? I completely lost it. LOST IT. I kicked my high heels off, sat the baby carrier down, sat down my computer, purse and the diaper bag in the grass in the front yard and growled, "Get in the house. NOW!" I even angled my body toward the door and pointed. He got the mom look. Mom eyes were out in full force. I probably looked like an angry cartoon with steam coming out of my ears.
It was then I looked up and saw the neighbor across the street watching me. Well sh*t. She gave me a wave and yelled, "I remember those days!"
I honestly do want to thank you neighbor, for reminding me that we all go through this. And that one day I will miss my three year old throwing a temper tantrum in the front yard because he can't fit a dinosaur into his frog backpack.
The night continued on the track of hectic. But you know what, life is always hectic! I have two small kids. I work full time. My husband works full time.
I finally sat down after the kids were in bed and just put my head in my hands. I just felt defeated. There was so much to do and I was feeling totally exhausted and overwhelmed. The house was a disaster. We leave for vacation soon and the laundry wasn't done. There was a pile of dishes in the sink. I hadn't even thought about packing. I had work stuff I needed to get done before leaving for vacation. I could hear Henry jumping on his bed. Hospital bills from having the baby were starting to arrive and were staring me down from the coffee table.
So I took a deep breath and laid down on the couch for a minute. I went over everything I had to do and that overwhelming feeling caught my chest again.
And then I realized, what the hell are you so overwhelmed about?
The temper tantrum is over. It will happen again. That's life. Your kid is three. He's wild. But he's healthy. Good set of lungs on that one.
The house is a mess. Big deal. The house is always a mess. It will be clean one day for about twenty minutes before it is messy again.
I was worried about laundry that needed to be done for vacation. VACATION! I was about to go on freaking vacation!
The dishes would take ten seconds to throw in the dishwasher.
Henry can jump on his bed. At least it will wear him out. Hopefully. Maybe. Probably not.
Yes, I have bills to pay. But those bills are from having a beautiful little baby boy that is sleeping peacefully in his crib. And I have a great job that helps me pay those bills.
So the next time you are feeling overwhelmed mama, don't give up. Because those things that overwhelm you are the things that make life worth living. You have babies that make you lose your sh*t sometimes. You have a home that needs to be cleaned. You have food to eat that makes those dishes dirty. You have bills to pay and yes, you might be on a payment plan with the hospital but at least it doesn't charge interest.
So don't give up. You will have good days. You will have bad days. You will have great days. You will have horrible days. Don't ever let that overwhelm get you down. Because when it all seems to be falling down, you will have that moment of clarity to remind you how lucky you really are.