Anyone who's struggled to conceive or had to break out a few ovulation kits in order to make a baby knows that it's not always fun. I remember when my ex-husband and I were trying for our daughter. I had miscarried at 10 weeks a few months before, and my pregnancy dreams and "confidence" had tanked severely. There I was with the eloquence of a dictator texting him:
I am ovulating. Finish your work and get home. Even if you get done late, we ARE doing it tonight! There's no time to waste!
Truly, where is the romance in testing your urine daily with ovulation kits, charting your basal body temperature, checking for increased cervical mucus, and treating your partner like a stud cow? There isn't any. And believe me, I know there are many women suffering from fertility issues and it's no joke. IVF, IUI, etc. . . . all of these procedures are intense. Getting pregnant seems like it should be easy, but for many people, it's not.
But for those of you who aren't going through fertility issues but perhaps are on month four or five of trying, or maybe going through trying after a miscarriage, making a baby can be as fun as cleaning your attic. People will start to tell you things like this:
"Don't stress. If you stress, you won't get pregnant."
"It will happen when it's meant to happen."
Or, they'll offer you special "positions" like, "Do it, and then leave your legs up in the air for at least 20 minutes afterwards." Yup, I tried that one. As far as the validity of these comments, well, perhaps letting the swimmers get extra time to meet your egg is smart and sure; I suppose when you're meant to get pregnant, you'll get pregnant; but one of those annoying comments is absolutely true:
Stress can hurt your chances of conceiving.
But when you want a baby so bad, it's so hard to not obsess over it. It's hard to just wave a magic wand and bam! — stop worrying about your baby wishes and wants. I know what it feels like to buy pregnancy test after pregnancy test waiting for the magical word "pregnant" to appear and feeling crushed when I got that negative symbol instead. But here I am to tell you that instead of breaking out the ovulation kits and using Fertility Friend to chart your BBT, bring sexy back for even just this one cycle and get back to the fun. Chances are a little fun might bring you the junior or princess of your dreams. Fun helps reduce stress, and even if you don't end up pregnant this month, at least you'll have had some "bonding" time with your partner, and that's always a good thing.
Bondage — Literally
If you can't control your urge to treat your man like a stud, handcuff him to your bed and tell him he has to be hands-off this time. Choose the position you like, and use him as you wish. Be sure to treat him like a bad boy. This will be one time he won't mind being "used." Maybe afterwards you can try that "legs-up" trick I spoke about.
A Month of Sex
Whether you've got kids or not, try having sex every day. If you're a busy mommy, make time for a quickie even if you have to untangle to deal with a kiddo and miss the "big finish," but whatever you do, change the time each day. So maybe one night, make it a midnight squeeze. The next day? Meet up during nap time. Don't check your ovulation. Don't whip out the BBT thermometer. Just have sex daily and enjoy it.
Rules? No talking about making babies. Rule number two? Obviously if your husband has a low sperm count or motility issue, this method isn't right for you. But for the average couple, daily sex will increase your happiness, help you sleep, and possibly bring you a little bundle of joy!
Surprise! You've Won!
Put the numbers one through 30 in a hat, and then pick 12 random numbers. Those are the dates you will have sex with your partner — but don't tell him. Wait until the day of, and send him a suggestive text message, saying, "Surprise, you've won . . . X."
What's X? X is whatever sexual favor you want to give . . . or perhaps receive. As long as everyone "finishes" in the end, that's all that matters!
Time to Take Your Medicine
Maybe it's the Jewish girl in me, but what woman wouldn't like a handsome doctor to nurse her back to health? Let the daddy-to-be play doctor. You have to follow his directions and let him do a proper exam. Then he'll treat you according to all the best medical standards, of course. Do this when the kids are fast asleep otherwise they may catch you . . . and never go to the doctor again!
No Energy, No Time? Get a Head Start!
Does the idea of making even a half hour for sex give you agita? Help your partner prep ahead of time. Supply the erotica — whether it's some links to downloadable porn or photos of his favorite Victoria's Secret model, give him time alone to enjoy it, and then have him give out a signal when he's "ready" for you. Hopefully this will be one fun quickie that will make you good and knocked up for nine months.
Are you "slow to start?" Reverse the process and have your main squeeze give you some time to get yourself ready to quicken the process.
Manic Mondays or Whip-It-Out Wednesdays
Pick four days out of the week each month this cycle to have sex, but add a theme. For Manic Mondays, make it a quickie night. For Throwback Thursday, get into some Catholic schoolgirl gear to let him reminisce in a kinky manner, or perhaps visit old haunts you used to go to before you were married to ignite some romance for this baby-making process! For Wacky Wednesday, try something a little less vanilla; if you're timid, it could be as mild as feeding each other ice cream naked in the dark. Have you ever seen 9½ Weeks? Food can be sexy.
Weekend Warrior Getaways
There's a reason people call it a "babymoon." Getting away from the routine helps people relax and therefore make babies. Remember how we said stress is a fertility hazard? Well, if you can't afford to go away to some tropical island, make it a point to have a weekend date each weekend, even if it's just to go for a coffee. It won't have the same magical relaxation potency, but it could make sex later that day better. And by better, I mean fun and enjoyable, which equals a less stressed-out couple. Do you have a hard time finding a babysitter? Tell friends and grandparents you're on a baby-making mission. Could they spare a few hours to help you in your journey toward conception? Be sure to also have sex each weekend day or night every weekend. Maybe your baby is meant to be made on a Saturday!
The Big Plus Sign
No matter what, try not to get down — as hard as that can be. We spend our whole lives as kids trying not to get pregnant, and then when we want to have a baby, it isn't always as easy as we thought. But overall? Most people end up with the babies they dream of, so don't give up on an extra 10 fingers and 10 toes. It will happen!